never thought it would be like this…

…how did I get here?
In all my life I never imagined I’d be struggling with infertility and still trying to build my family at age 38. I bought into the myth that I could have it all — but it turns out that’s not exactly true (at least for some)… I have a wonderful husband and marriage and a rewarding career, but nothing prepared us for the long hard journey to parenthood. As it turns out, nothing goes according to plan (life lesson #1). And life has a ways of kicking you in the ass sometimes, even when you’re down…

To make a long story short, we have tried to bring home our first child for nearly 4 years, encountering obstacles at every turn and way too much heartache. I’ve been poked, prodded, dilated and diagnosed so many times my hoohah should have its own voting rights. We’ve experienced multiple fertility problems — e.g., recurrent uterine fibroids, scar tissue, a blocked tube, sometimes anovulatory cycles, and poor morphology.

Once, we were lucky enough to make it halfway to term — and we caught a glimpse of the life that could have been, a moment of bliss — but my body betrayed me when my water suddenly and inexplicably broke due to P-PROM and we lost our baby boy at 21 weeks… It was a very dark time, a pit of despair, and I still grieve for my boy. Now, nearly two years later, instead of chasing a toddler I am digging for grace and gearing up for my first (and only) IVF with ICSI in the hope that my many surgeries have prepared and not permanently damaged my womb, my tubes can be bypassed, and the Amazing M’s sperm and my aging eggs will still know what to do when they finally rendezvous…

~ by luna on December 12, 2007.

One Response to “never thought it would be like this…”

  1. […] years ago when I started telling my story here, I had no idea what my life would look like today. I sat on the edge of hope, of despair, […]

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