three years

It feels like more than just three years ago that I created this space as an outlet to help me process my uncertain future. A place to sit quietly and think, to write the things I could not say, to form words when my thoughts were muddled. A place to connect with others who understood.

Three years ago when I started telling my story here, I had no idea what my life would look like today. I sat on the edge of hope, of despair, looking out over the abyss and pondering an uncertain future. Within six months, after the last of our treatments had failed, we had shifted our focus to building our family through adoption.

Two years ago, on this same day, was the first time we heard from Kaye. She was 16 weeks pregnant. After a week of email exchanges, we agreed to meet on the winter solstice. A week later, she asked the question that would forever change our lives.

One year ago, we had an amazing six month old baby girl in our lives. We were navigating through the complexities of a relatively new open adoption, feeling our way. I was about to return to work part time. My mother was teetering on the edge of death. We weren’t sleeping much. Yet we were grateful.

This past year I haven’t written as much as I’d like. After writing a couple of posts a week (100 per year), lately I haven’t been able to get to more than a few posts a month. Work, life and the need to sleep all seem to interfere with my free time. Also, my story is not solely my own these days, so I am unable to share as much as I might have before. Often I compose posts in my head and never make the time to write them. Instead I pop on twitter, scrolling through quick updates and sharing a sentence or two at a time in mere seconds, rather than sitting down to form a cohesive series of thoughts.

Still. This space is sacred to me. I am so grateful for what it has offered me, i.e., support when I needed it, affirmation that I was not alone, understanding when I could find it nowhere else. For that, I thank you. I treasure what a tremendously therapeutic outlet this space has been. I am grateful how it has opened doors, enabling me to welcome new ideas and new friends into my life. Real friends. Friends who know my heart, even if they don’t know my last name.

I am privileged to have learned from others as they share their own stories, their challenges and triumphs, their joys and sorrows.

Indeed, telling stories is not only a way to process significant events in our lives. It’s how we share a piece of our very selves. It’s how we celebrate our humanity, the beauty and the tragedy. And through the powerful act of witness, we can know that we are not alone.

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~ by luna on December 11, 2010.

12 Responses to “three years”

  1. I totally agree, I have met alot of people and some that have had similiar struggles. For my daughter I have met so many families with children adopted, also a blessing for us.
    I had no idea what a blog was, wish I had found out sooner.

  2. So very glad that you began this space. I am always touched by what you write, Luna. Always.

    And I think your last paragraph is really the essence of the power of writing, blogging, sharing.

    Thank you.

  3. Great post. So true.

  4. My life would be lesser had you not created this space.

    Happy blogoversary, my friend of Ls, of December, of adoptive parenting, of wine and good food and of gratitude.

  5. Wonderful post, Luna. Happy blogoversary!

  6. So thankful we connected through blogging…celebrating this space of yours along with you, for sure. Cheers!

  7. It is always wonderful to hear from you, Luna. I know that I haven’t been commenting much of late, but I’m still reading. It has been an absolute privilege to share in your story over the past three years: I feel that I’ve learnt so much from you – about grief and loss, but ultimately about love and hope, and living with a truly open heart.
    Happy blogoversary, my friend!

  8. Ever read a really great book? The happiness you can feel when you settle into the heart of it – learn something from it; be transformed by it; be touched by it? That’s how I feel when I read your posts. Like a letter from a friend letting me know what’s going on in her life.

    Whenever you can….

  9. Luna, I thank you for sharing your life with us- total strangers. As I read so many of your posts I can relate and feel a kindred spirit in you. Even though my dh and I have ended our quest to have a family- reading about Baby Jaye and her open adoption lets me know that hope does exist. Reading and watching Baby jaye grow up from baby to toddler has helped me to remember that good things do still happen in this world. I look forward to continuing to follow your family and the precious moments that are now a regular part of your lives. Happy Blogoversary! Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and as always close to my heart.

  10. […] brought dinner to the hospital to visit the first newborn of my closest cousin. That month I also started this blog, which has evolved along with my path to […]

  11. […] Last year I recounted once again how important this space is to me, no matter how often or rarely I am able to write. Everything I said then remains true. […]

  12. […] daughter’s birth mom. At two years, I had another 100 posts (301) and a six month old baby. By three years, however, I had a toddler and was lucky to write a few times a month. Then last year on my fourth […]

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