four years here

Ironic that I come here to celebrate my four year blogoversary when I haven’t been able to write a decent post in ages. But there it is. Four years here tomorrow.

Last year I recounted once again how important this space is to me, no matter how often or rarely I am able to write. Everything I said then remains true.

I still have little time to write as I would like. Thoughts are often muddled in my mind, never reaching my fingertips. The rare exception this year was writing my way through The Big Event. Nothing quite lets the words flow the and brings the page hits like an unanticipated OMGWTF pregnancy and premature babe.

Time is even more scarce and precious these days. Last year, I had a baby that finally slept. This year, I have two that don’t so much. But I’m not complaining.

Still, it is impossible to convey the depth of gratitude I have for you, my dear friends and readers. Without you, I don’t know how I would have survived these past four years — ranging from the deepest sorrowful lows of infertility, to the uncertainty and complexity throughout our adoption, to the confusion and angst associated with this most recent pregnancy, and now the joys and challenges of parenting after infertility and loss. The compassion, connection and understanding your support has provided has been tremendous, invaluable. Ironically, there really are no words.

I am also beyond grateful for Mac, who encouraged and stood by me at every step. It was Mac who first suggested that I start this blog, as we were going through infertility treatments, when he saw the affirmation and support I found in the blogosphere. He knew I needed the information, but more than that, the connection. Thank you, Mac, for your love and encouragement, and of course your support. Thanks for letting me sit in front of the computer that rainy afternoon four years ago, on your birthday, to write like I had never written before, and to keep on writing, getting posts like this one out, which had been harboring inside for years. I love you, my amazing M. And happy birthday once again, mon cherie.

I don’t know how much I’ll get to update here these days. I also have a family blog or two that I try to maintain. Yet I really do have so much to say, to ponder and explore, here in this space. I want to write about the evolving issues in our open adoption, about raising two wonderful yet very different girls with such unique and amazing stories, about life with a newborn at age 42, doing the hard work of parenting after infertility, and how I still (yes, still) feel the lasting impact of our struggle today.

For now, I’ll just say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your support and kindness, and for reading along this crazy journey. It certainly has been a wild ride.

xo

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~ by luna on December 10, 2011.

35 Responses to “four years here”

  1. Happy Blogoversary, Luna! The you of 4 years ago could never, ever have imagined how your journey would play out — none of us could have. So thrilled for you, today and every day.

  2. After my third loss, still new to using the internet for anything more than reading a newspaper online, I began to search for blogs that covered things like pregnancy loss and grief … Yours was, somehow, among the first that popped up in my search. I remember sitting in a hotel in D.C., weeping, as I read your entries and about the tragic loss of your son. I was both horrified and simultaneously comforted to have, for the first time, a sense that I was alone or I didn’t have to be…that there were other women out there who could grasp my grief and wouldn’t try to “fix” it or dismiss it away.

    Thank you, Luna.

    Our paths may have different elements and twists and details, but I have always felt a kinship in our being moms to little girls through adoption and birth, as well as our husbands having the same profession.

    I have a half-dozen blog entries rattling around in my head, too, and my 2013 resolution is to blog more frequently.

  3. Happy happy blogoversary to you. I’m looking at the avatar Mel drew of you and I love all the stars around you. Means something different now than it did in 2008 or so when I first saw it.

    And happy birthday to Mac! I know he has always been so supportive of you in all ways.

    XO

  4. Happy Blogoversary, Luna!

  5. Happy Blogoversary!! The twists and turns of your journey have been as riveting to me as any novel. And your writing has put us in the heart of one of the greatest true-life adventures I’ve ever come across. Thank you for sharing your story, here. I know your life is hectic, but I savor each of your posts as I would a new chapter in a thrilling book.

    Mostly though, I am so happy for you and Mac and your whole family 🙂

  6. Its been an amazing 4 years from you, just a little bit of everything. Have the Happiest of Holidays with your two precious girls, and Mac of course!

  7. It’s great to hear from you!!!

  8. Happy blogoversary. I am so glad that you started this spot, that it has brought you peace of heart, but mostly that we met because of your words.

  9. Luna,
    I have so loved “knowing” you theses past four years. Happy blog adversary to you!

  10. Happy B-versary. I just love how happy you sound these days. So nice to see!

  11. Happy blogoversary! It’s a gift to have this space to document our journeys … wishing you many happy recorded travels and ruminations in the years ahead.

  12. Happy Blogoversary, Luna! You are very special to me, as a fellow blogger who’s been doing this over 4 years as well. I was recently going back and re-reading many old entries, and it made me smile to notice how many times you offered so much support and encouragement in my journey as well. Thank you for that.

    I went through a long time where blogging didn’t just “come” to me anymore, and I didn’t feel like forcing it. It’s been an interesting road back to it — everyone seems drawn to writing on their blog for their own reasons. For me, I think I need it mostly for getting through cycling. Though I don’t feel as compelled to share parenting stuff in this space (and and am still self-conscious about it). I’m also not sure which corner of the IF world I fit into anymore — but I always feel at “home” with you 🙂

  13. Hi, Visiting from LFCA. HAPPY BLOGOVERSARY and Congratulations on 4 years!

  14. Happy, happy blogoversary, dear Luna. 🙂 It’s been such a pleasure & a privilege to share your story (& I do so hope you keep on writing!).

  15. Happy 4 year blogoversary, Luna! Though I’m a relatively new follower in the whole scheme of things, only catching up right around the time of Baby Z’s birth, I’ve adored watching the journey of loss and parenting through your eyes. I’m so glad I get to read your blog, and blessed that I found you. I’ll add my birthday wishes to your wonderful Mac too. Though I don’t know much about him, the stuff I do know shows he’s been an amazing and wonderful husband for you, and I’m grateful that you two found each other. Here’s to many more years of blogging! 🙂

  16. Happy Blogoversary – hard to believe I would have made a friend through these black pages – but I did and I am so grateful. Back up your pages, one day your little girls will need to know just how amazing their mama is. Especially when they steal your booze and lie about it.

  17. It’s good to hear from you; glad that you’re doing well, and hope you get some good sleep soon!

  18. Congrats!!!

  19. Happy Blogoversary, Luna. I’ve been reading you for quite some time now, but I don’t believe I’ve commented much. I wanted to thank you for your comment on my blog, it meant a lot to read your words. So thank you. You’re an inspiration.

  20. […] years, however, I had a toddler and was lucky to write a few times a month. Then last year on my fourth blogoversary, I was still in shock with an unexpected preemie at home and barely able to catch a breath with an […]

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