WTF, part two

For background, you may want to read this first.

Wednesday, June 29

Last night at dinner it occurred to me that someone should probably go with me to my morning appointment. I wasn’t even thinking as support for me, but more to help keep Jaye occupied. What would happen if she started to freak out and no one was there to help? I’ve never had to ask for help before.

But Mac would be at work and I didn’t really want to tell anyone. Not yet. Plus having someone else there would add a whole other dynamic that I didn’t want to deal with. Thankfully Mac realized he needed to be there and made last minute arrangements for work. It’s a good thing he did, not only so he could be there with me, but because my appointment lasted 45 minutes and Jaye was “all done” within with first ten.

It was very strange entering the building — the same one I visited for every consult, exam and treatment — with our daughter. I was both exhilarated and hyper-aware of others, wondering if they were headed to the 7th floor as I once was, unable to look a happy mother in the eye.

The ultrasound technician got right to it. I couldn’t say when my last normal period was (was it Jan? Feb? what about a bleeding incident in March?). So she was to measure and estimate the date, look for a heartbeat, and see what else she could see.

I was terrified. Breathing deeply. I was convinced there would be an empty yoke sac or no heartbeat with evidence of fetal demise weeks ago. Or maybe a boulder-sized fibroid instead of a fetus. I instantly remembered the image at our level 2 ultrasound in 2006 — perfectly formed baby being poked in the head by a ginormous fibroid, which I believe later caused my premature rupture.

Then I saw the heartbeat.

And I took a deep breath.

Clearly there was plenty to see. I was well beyond the first trimester.

She began to scan the major bones and organs, looking for evidence of abnormalities. We had done no testing, so I was anxious about what she would find. Aside from size and maybe gender (if detectable), the technician can’t really tell you anything. They simply refer you to your doctor. So I had no idea if things were as they should be. It went on like this for a while, with her explaining what she was looking without elaboration, leaving me wondering if everything was OK. After a while, I started to worry that something was wrong. (Who am I kidding, I walked in there worried something was wrong. But the awkward silences didn’t help.)

Mac had taken Jaye out to the courtyard for snacks. He tried to occupy our daughter while his own mind raced to the worst places. I laid there and tried to take deep breaths while asking questions that this woman could not answer.

I shared some of my history and concerns. I told her about my scarring and asked where the placenta was attached. I asked if she could see any fibroids. I asked if she could estimate the gestational age.

She said she would calculate size to estimate age, but everything else should come from my own doctor. But my appointment was not even until next week. I insisted on speaking with the doctor on call. I could not go another week without knowing more.

About 15 minutes and one silent near nervous breakdown later (mine, not Jaye’s), a resident came in and explained the highlights. Later I got a follow up call from an ob/gyn on call who explained more. It pays to be your best advocate.

The anatomical scan looked good, no signs of abnormalities.

There is a concern about the low-lying placenta covering part of my cervix (placenta previa) which in this case is likely due to scarring of the uterine walls. Since I wouldn’t be able to have a vaginal birth anyway due to the risk of uterine rupture, that fear is moot. The most serious risks are hemorrhaging (me) and premature delivery. Basically any bleeding should be considered urgent. The other concern is that the placenta could embed too deeply in the uterine muscle (placenta accreta), likely requiring a hysterectomy at birth.

I will likely know more when I meet with my new doctor next week. I was lucky to get an appointment on Tuesday with the chief of Maternal Fetal Medicine, the head of the high-risk OBs. We’ll talk about my history and risks. I’m hoping she’ll have a plan. Even though we all know that things don’t always go according to plan…

But the baby looks fine.

There is a baby in there, and as of today it’s alive, and it looks good.

And it’s about 24 weeks.

I know. Holy crap.

~ by luna on June 30, 2011.

60 Responses to “WTF, part two”

  1. 24 weeks? HOLY HELL! Congratulations. I just can’t stop myself. What shocking, wonderful news.

  2. LUNA!!?!? Holy flipping sh*t. I think you are going to have a baby!!
    Wow. wow. wow.

  3. Holy crap indeed. Twenty four weeks. Amazing.

    Thinking of you and beaming lots of love to you and your family!!!!


  4. Yay!!!!!!!! 24 weeks is incredible. Wowie. You are almost there. So, so glad to hear that all looks well.

  5. What?! OMG!! Holy crap!! I am doing cartwheels right now!!! Oh Luna!!!!

  6. I have tears in my eyes reading your post. Awesome, 24 weeks!
    So happy for you and familly!

  7. Holy crap, indeed! Congratulations!!????

  8. Wow, that is such an insane story.
    I am so happy for you.
    I can’t beleive that you are 24 weeks, that is amazing. And so great that everything looks great with the baby!

  9. Amazing. Hoping for more good news soon.

  10. This is the most amazing story!!! Congrats!

  11. Luna, wow, just wow……oh, and Yay, absolutely, Yay!

  12. keeping my fingers and toes and everything else crossed.

  13. Holy, holy crap! Holding my breath and hoping as hard as I possibly can for you.

  14. I have shivers reading this…….

    Be well!!

  15. Holy holy holy.

    I can only imagine your roller coaster of emotions.

    Here’s to smooth sailing and a glorious Fall.

  16. WOW!! 24 weeks — moving right along. I am so happy for you.

  17. Rejoicing here for you Luna! Wow..keeping my fingers crossed and wishing you have a very uneventful smooth pregnancy and all goes well till your planned delivery date. Reading 24 weeks made me very happy.

  18. Wow. Long time lurker finally coming out of hiding to say, “Congratulations!” and holy smokes..24 weeks?! You’re halfway through your pregnancy already. Wow. Take care of yourself and I’m looking forward to reading more. Wow, just wow. Yes, I said wow 5 times in less than a paragraph. Wow. Make it 6. 😉 Congrats.

  19. Wow! Not much else to add.

  20. Oh. My. God. 24 weeks?! Crap . . . only 2 to viability. Not that that would be good, of course, but still. Continued peace and good news for you.

  21. EEEEEEPPP!!!!

  22. Amazing. Simply amazing.
    Whatever happens, you have people all over the world rooting for you and this little one you are carrying.
    24 weeks!!!!!

  23. Oh my gosh. Speechless over here. can’t even imagine what you must be feeling (maybe relieved that you got to skip so much of the worrying by finding out only now?). So happy for you!


  24. Holy Crap!! WTF in deed!! Congratulations!! Crossing my fingers for you!!

  25. omigosh.

  26. I have goosebumps. Sending calm healthy thoughts.

  27. Whoa! Wow!! Whoot!!!

  28. Hello lightening strike! Hoping you have a safe rest of your pregnancy.

  29. Words can not describe the awesome. Soooooo awesome. xxxoo

  30. ohmigod, ohmigod,ohmigod, remember that show about women that didn’t even know they were pregnant?!!!! You could be on it! This is amazing news! Nam myo ho renge kyo.

  31. I’m ecstatic for you! It looks like Jaye is going to be a big sister! Hooray for “skipping” through to viability!

  32. That is freaking amazing! I am so, so happy for you!!!!!

    24 weeks?!? Holy Cow!

  33. Wow. Just wow. Seriously?!! You are suddenly 24 weeks pregnant?!! I am stunned and thrilled and terrified for you. The little hairs on my arms are standing up. Wow. I’ve been reading your blog for years. I’ve read every word you’ve written. You are the blogger who got me into blogging and I carried your story with me in my heart. I’ll definitely be wishing as hard as I can for the Best Possible Outcome for you and your family and that crazy precious baby inside of you. I know you have a long way to go from here, but 24 weeks!!! Just incredible.

  34. Oh Luna, this is so exciting! It’s amazing to those of us who had difficult early pregnancies that you didn’t know for 24 weeks. But you got to pass the 21 week marker safely without having to worry every day leading up to it — this baby seems to be looking out for you.

    Going to the head of MFM is fantastic. I had serious placenta accreta but there was no warning, and it got dicey after delivery. It is so much better to know about the possible complications and be able to anticipate them.

    Wishing you all the luck in the world.

  35. And again you give me hope. Not that I have to have a full term pregnancy like you that would be great, but that I could read these last and most recent posts without breaking down. THat I had the strength to plow right through them

  36. Wow. This is the third time in 3 hours I have re-read your entry.

    What can we do to support you?

  37. Coming out from hiding just to say “Holy Sh*t!”
    I have followed you for years, your words have helped me through some of my most difficult times. I am so so so happy for you! 24 weeks I just can’t believe it!
    What an amazing story! Much love to you Luna!

  38. 24 weeks!!!!!!! oh my gosh, that is amazing! I mean see you didn’t have to stress about it for 24 weeks since you didn’tknow. I hope it all works out good, I cannot imagine the stress you will be under now. HOpe you liek the doctor and can’t wait to hear more! I finally told Kami she better start reading blogs again and get back on yours.

  39. Oh my God–congratulations! You’re in my prayers, lady.

  40. Amazing! I’m so happy for you and wish you all the best!

  41. WOW. Here from Maybe Babies blog. Just wow.

    Holding you and your 24 weeker (viability!) in my heart. Shocked and really, really happy for you.


  42. incoming link:

  43. I have been thinking a lot about the right words for my comment–but I simply cannot find enough to tell you how genuinely happy I am and over the moon that this is happening for you! Ive been blog buddies with you for so long–and this just makes me smile SO big. xoxo

  44. I’m a longtime reader who may have commented once or twice, and my cheeks hurt from smiling for you! And really, 24 weeks!? you are already the most pregnant you have ever been AND technically have a viable baby? Wow, wow, wow. Congratulations! I want to have better words, but I’m a bit stunned, and so so happy for your family!

  45. aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Congratulations! lots & LOTS of love!

  46. That is the most wonderful and incredible news. 24 for weeks. WOW! Joyous thoughts coming your way from Italy!!!

  47. HOLY CRAP indeed, Luna!! — I’ve been catching up on some blog reading & just read your last three posts (holding my breath all the way, I think!). This is just amazing. (And terrifying for you, I am sure.) I’m THRILLED for you, & will be sending all the prayers & positive vibes your way that I can muster . Many, many (((((HUGS))))).

  48. OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!! Holy crap! WOW!!! Girl, I’m so far behind readng your blog that I have no idea where to start, but oh my goodness I sure am glad I started here! So so excited delighted and over the moon for you! And how in the world did you get this far along? You must have skipped the puking stage : ) I’ll be holding you in my thoughts and sending all the best energy your way. So so amazingly happy for you!

  49. […] the power of denial So, if you haven’t been around in a while, you may want to read this first. […]

  50. Here from The Maybe Baby ( as m posted about you in her blog and WOW! Congratulations! What an amazing development! Adding you to my reader if that’s okay so I can follow along with your incredible story (and so you can be my inspiration!) Best wishes to you and yours as you begin preparations!

  51. All very interesting! I was adopted when i was five, which is quite late..perhaps too late.

    Have you talked to many adopted children or adults? It may be quite interesting to hear what we have to say. Without the sugarcoated Life TV angle.

    But we all love fairy tales though…don’t we……

  52. How amazing and exciting!
    You know, I wish I could find out I was pregnant at 24 weeks! It would take away all the fear of the first half of the pregnancy where most of my babies died.

  53. OMG! Good grief, woman!!! So excited for y’all! I can only imagine all the emotions that you’re going through but the mister and I are sitting here just thinking the besting thoughts.

  54. […] she reviewed some of the known risks. Apparently the placenta previa is not partial but complete, meaning it is covering the entire […]

  55. […] technician this time was wonderful, which made me realize how awful the tech was last time.  She was kind and gentle, concerned about my comfort and well-being. She knew I was worried about […]

  56. I am so late to this party (I am here by way of Chasing A Child) and know you’ve already welcomed your baby girl to this world. Big and heartfelt congratulations! I just had to read the entire back story which I’ve done over the wee hours of this morning. So many things you’ve said have resonated with me (after my own harrowing pregnancy with my son, we’ve been trying to have #2 for four years. I am now 45 and my baby making shop is LONG closed but we are not having success with our domestic adoption plan and I have been considering (well, more than considering) throwing in the towel altogether. And, even though we may be destined to remain a family of three, it was validating to read that there was another person who had finally come to the same decision and was grappling with many of the same issues that I am.
    I am no longer a religious person and I don’t use this word in that vain, but this is effing miraculous!

  57. […] by the time I finally took a test. I know, I know. Emotions ranged from terror and confusion to shock, angst and fear, and later, anticipation and joy. It was a short but eventful pregnancy, high risk with weekly […]

  58. […] to come… Read part two here. Like this:LikeBe the first to like […]

  59. […] attack over the idea of suffering another devastating loss, we learned that the baby was somehow healthy and thriving, and while the risks were quite high, there was a real chance we would make Jaye a big sister after […]

  60. […] only was I shocked to learn I was carrying a real live baby, but by the time I had my first ultrasound, I was already well into the second trimester. With my doctor’s plan to deliver early to avoid […]

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