It’s the end of a long day, another big week ahead. I’m sitting at my desk around midnight when I should be sleeping — which I often do as it’s the only truly quiet free me time — trying (and failing) to find the words to describe what I was feeling earlier.
It’s not often that I get to spend time with a friend and fellow adoptive mama who understands my heart without a spoken word. When I compare this to the exactly one time I went to a “mom’s group,” well, there is no comparison really.
After following each other’s journeys through our blogs, I first met Deathstar nearly two years ago when Mac and I went to Vancouver for New Year’s Eve 2008-2009. That trip was special for a number of reasons. First, it was a wonderfully enjoyable end to an incredibly rotten year, which followed some other truly awful years. Second, even though we longed to be home tending to midnight feedings, Mac and I were determined to make the best of our getaways and enjoy each other without the strain of trying (and failing) to conceive. In many ways we were reclaiming our lives. Then a young woman we had met not long before had just asked us to become the parents of her not yet born child. After so many roadblocks and detours in our journey to parenthood, even while nothing was certain, it seemed like we were finally in the right place at the right time, for a change.
Meeting Deathstar then was a powerfully inspiring experience. I vividly remember sitting by the fire in the warm cozy lounge of our hotel during a winter storm, sipping hot drinks and talking for hours. It felt like this woman knew me without having to say a word. Of course we had read each other’s words and peered into each other’s hearts through our writing. But to connect with a real live person and her dynamic energy, well I just don’t get to do that enough.
That connection inspired me to keep writing throughout our process, whatever the outcome. What was happening inside the computer was real, I came to believe.
Today, nearly two years later, we shared a glorious afternoon of food and wine and coffee while again a cold rainstorm brewed outside. Except this time, our children played together too. To watch our babies play together for the first time — after each of us wondered whether we would ever really become parents — well, as I said I can’t really find the words.
I can’t seem to describe the feeling of seeing her little boy (soon to be one year old) reach out his little hand to touch the hand of our little girl (soon to be 18 months old). I can’t describe what else I felt besides joy as I watched our daughter toddle over to her still crawling son and give him a little hug, then do a little dance because she had made a new friend.
It is always wonderful to talk with another adoptive mama who has shared part of our journey. But it was beyond wonderful to see my friend, and to have the chance to see her embrace her role as mama, with its joys and challenges. I was happy to meet her husband and see the love he shares with his son. And it was awesome for Mac to be able to talk with another adoptive dad.
Damn, I wish we lived closer.
For now I am just grateful for today.