three in one

This is really just a quick update to the last post.

Sunday we were scheduled for a long awaited visit with Baby J’s birth father Vic. The plan had been under discussion for over a month. We confirmed even though Mac wouldn’t be able to join us, as it seemed like the best chance for a visit before the new year. Details were still to be worked out, but we had a date, a city, and an approximate time. It was a plan.

Then Sunday morning rolled around and I had the day bag packed and we were ready to go. At 9am I called Vic to discuss when and where we could meet for an early lunch. Vic said that he wasn’t going to be able to make it. He tried to set another date for December, but I wasn’t prepared to commit without talking to Mac as our month is pretty booked already.

Granted, a number of things have to align for a visit with Vic to work. He doesn’t have a car, for instance, and he lives about five hours away. Hell, Vic doesn’t even have a phone, really. He borrows them or gets pre-paid ones, so he can be hard to reach. The first time we met we visited him when we went to see Kaye and they lived in the same town. The second time was during a pit stop on a bus ride he took from one end of the state to the other. We haven’t seen him in nearly a year.

Every once in a while Vic will surface and ask to plan a visit. We’ve explained that last minute visits don’t tend to work for us. But planning ahead hasn’t really worked well for him. So we seem to be at an impasse about how to plan another visit.

As it turned out, just a few minutes after I spoke with him, Kaye called to see what we were doing today. We had made tentative plans for either this Sunday afternoon or next. Kaye wanted us to meet her new boyfriend, and they are leaving soon to travel indefinitely. Since we happened to be free, I said come on over, but you have to stay for dinner so you can see Mac too.

And so we had three visits in one week with Baby J’s family, even with one visit canceled.

We spent the whole afternoon together, Kaye playing with Baby J, and me cooking and chatting. They stuck around through her nap while I prepared dinner. Kaye’s time with Baby J was especially awesome because they had just seen each other a week ago so they were more familiar and comfortable with no warming time needed. Plus Kaye could see firsthand how much she changes and grows in just a week (e.g., new words, gestures, etc.)

Soon after dinner they had to get back, it had been a long day. The goodbye this time was particularly difficult, because we have no idea when we will see Kaye again. Her plans are open and broad enough to keep her away from home for quite a while.

Then I think it broke everyone’s heart just a little when Baby J blew Kaye a kiss goodbye and signed for “more” as Kaye drove away.


~ by luna on November 15, 2010.

6 Responses to “three in one”

  1. Sounds like Kaye and Baby J had a wonderful visit. Shame that Vic isn’t able to be more present. I always wondered what open adoptions were like — you gave me a nice glimpse into it.

  2. That sounds like an incredibly sweet visit with Kaye—I’m glad you were able to work out a visit on the ashes of that other cancellation.

  3. I wonder if time and maturity will allow Vic to be more committed to seeing your daughter. Of course, at present, he’s not responsible to anyone but himself. He’ll learn to plan a bit better, I’m sure. I’m glad J enjoyed her time with Kaye – so bittersweet to see her signing for “more”. Ahhh, kids are so pure, aren’t they? I just have to say that you give me such insight into what it takes to nurturing an open adoption. It’s not easy, I know.

  4. Sounds like a wonderful visit with Kaye. I’m sorry it didn’t work out better with Vic but hope something does in the future.

  5. tto bad one visit didnt’ work out, sounds difficult so I guess you are really lucky when it does work. So gla dyour other visits were so nice.

  6. i love reading about your open adoption…the visits, the visits that don’t work out, and everything in between. you are definitely living openness.

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