all done?

Please click away now if  you don’t want to read about my body parts. Go ahead, I won’t be offended.

Remember, I warned you.

Ok. So, I’ve been bleeding for like three weeks. I debated even writing about it. Then I thought, what the hell, you’ve all heard about my useless uterus before. Isn’t that why I started this blog to begin with?

At first, I missed a period. I know, some of you are probably thinking, “oh wow, maybe you were pregnant?!” Aha! Urban legend, right (or is it myth)? Look, she adopted and now she’s pregnant! To you I say, um, no. And, think again.

I’m 41 years old with a long history of fibroids and infertility. At first I thought, well, I guess this must be menopause. I even tweeted that my period had gone the way of the dinosaur. I was dealing with some emotional turmoil at the thought. I mean, it’s not like my parts have been in business for a while now, or like they ever served me well. But the thought of menopause at 41, with all the hormonal and other changes, was actually quite jarring. Depressing too, though I didn’t cry. It just seemed like a final kick in the ass, like, ha! you lose. again.

I guess I wasn’t really ready for The Change. Who ever is?

Then a couple of weeks later, I started to bleed. Not like real blood, but enough to make me believe that not much was going on in there. Ok, point taken. I’m so old that my blood is old, too. The thing doesn’t work. I get it.

But then. It started. Last Saturday I just began Bleeding. Like hemorrhaging. More blood than I’ve ever shed, including when I lost my son at five months pregnant, more than after multiple uterine surgeries. I lost a lot of blood. I felt sick, faint, weak. I was cramping hard and took meds (which I never do). M asked if we needed to go to the hospital but I said no. It was just because I had missed a month, and there it was, right?

Besides, we were going to spend the afternoon with my family and I was really looking forward to the cousins playtime. Which in hindsight might not have been the best decision. But at least I was distracted for a few hours. I was mindful not to sit on anything light, just in case. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom. The only other thing I’ll say is that I soaked through three pair of pants during the course of the day. Not one, not two, but three. It was bad. Out of control, literally. Scary.

The next day was much better, more normal. It was more like my usual pattern — i.e., heavy the first day then tapering off for a few more days. Yet the bleeding continued for over a week. In fact, it’s been 12 days and I’m still bleeding a little. Yes, I called the doctor, finally, and I’m going in to get checked.

For some reason, this is not really something I’ve been able to write about. Somehow tweeting about this didn’t seem right either: like, “hey twitter, I’m hemorrhaging!” or “day 10 and still bleeding!” or “OMG, I’ve never seen so much blood!” or “wow, losing all this blood makes me want to eat a steak!” or “hmm, I wonder what’s up with my pesky uterus?!” #thingsthatwouldbehardtotweetabout.

Anyway.

My guess is that my fibroids may have returned. With a vengeance. The only other time I’ve experienced anything mildly like that was just before I was diagnosed with the massive fibroid that started me down the road to infertility.

The only good news is that if it is fibroids and menopause is just around the corner — and it is, really, with shorter periods and now skipping them altogether — they should shrink on their own (because fibroids are fueled by estrogen). Which would be a good thing, as strange as it sounds. I don’t think I could handle yet another procedure on my parts if it were not necessary.

The truth is that while I was trying to conceive, I changed my diet and lifestyle and had regular treatment — i.e., acupuncture and chinese herbs — to keep my hormones in check. I think that kept the fibroids under control too. Yet I’ve taken some liberties since I’ve reclaimed my life from infertility. For instance, if I was supposed to stay away from coffee, dairy, sugar and soy, I probably ran out and had a double espresso ice cream cone with a soy latte the first chance I got.

Of course I could be wrong. Maybe it’s not fibroids. Maybe it’s nothing at all. Then again, maybe it’s something more.

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~ by luna on September 29, 2010.

16 Responses to “all done?”

  1. I’m glad you decided to have it checked. I do hope it is nothing. (I most certainly hope it isn’t something more!) Take care of yourself. Sending hugs your way…

  2. Dude. That sucks.
    I hope it’s all OK and doesn’t end in a procedure. I can so understand why you would hate to have anything else done.

    love to you
    B

  3. Oh, so srroy! Glad you’re having it checked and keeping fingers crossed that its just pesky fibroids. I think that’s the thing that bothers me about infertility the most at this stage in mylife (also 41), is why, if our parts just. don’t. work. do they have to stick around and torture us so? It should be all or nothing, right? Either you get good girl parts or they just shrivel up and go away.

    For the record “#thingsthatwouldbehardtotweetabout” made me laugh.

  4. I ofte wonder whats goign on done there as well, other then it doesn’t work (for the better anyway). I don’t have much help to offer. for a few years I started having giant (fist size clots) not all were that big but regardless, I was in the bathroom ever 30 minutes and thats wasn’t enough because there was so much blood. I remember taking a shower but I was bleeding so much I didn’t know what to do, how do you get out when you would have to go 2 feet to a cabinet to get anything to contain blood. Just awful. Helpful Dr. offered birth control pills, ahhh NO. For whatever reason the last year it has greatly improved (I’m almost 35 years old). If your body is goign to do things like this to you you might want to take a real iron suppliment, like the ones with liver in it, that actually might help you. Good Luck!

  5. Oh wow, what a day, I’m glad you didn’t end up in the hospital.

    “Yet I’ve taken some liberties since I’ve reclaimed my life from infertility. For instance, if I was supposed to stay away from coffee, dairy, sugar and soy, I probably ran out and had a double espresso ice cream cone with a soy latte the first chance I got.”

    Wonderful how our bodies like to remind us we can’t eat certain foods, huh?

  6. I’m also glad you decided to get checked out, that’s scary.

  7. Well, from one who actually bled through onto a friend’s couch (now that was embarrassing!) – it sounds like fibroids. Of course, once you get checked out, you should really have more facts. It’s not menopause, it’s perimenopause – if that makes you feel any better. That sort of nonsense could go on for years. I did do uterine embolization to take care of the heavy bleeding and now I ONLY use light tampons. And yes, you should take iron supplements.

  8. Shit, I’m so sorry Luna! I’m relieved you’re getting this checked out. Then please have a large chocolate soy mocha latte frozen concoction with whipped cream, on me. don’t forget the sprinkles.

  9. That’s really really scary — bleeding that much. And I hope that the doctor finds a simple answer (and seriously, I can’t get over that you’re 41 because you look so damn young).

  10. Ugg. I hope its stopped and doesn’t start back up again. Hope it’s nothing requiring any type of intervention too.

  11. Crossing my fingers its nothing beyond a slip of the body–meaning its just a fluke! Will be thinking about you.

  12. Luna- I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, but I am also glad that you are getting it checked out. I have had some similar issues these last few months- actually ended up in the ER last month with a large cyst on my right ovary- cyst ended up bursting on its own, so no surgery this time around- but it was suggested that since we are done ttc it would be in my best interest to remove the ovary and have a uterine ablation for the heavy bleeding- the thing that sucks is that I am only 35 years old- I shouldn’t be getting thrown into surgically induced menopause- but than again my uterus has proven time and time again that it doesn’t work like it is supposed to.
    I hope that you end up getting good news and that the bleeding stops on its own. Will be keeping you in my thoughts.

  13. I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. I hope your doctor can diagnose and fix things toot sweet.

  14. Catching up on my blog reading & commenting. I’ve been having some wonky cycles myself lately, though nothing quite so dramatic as what you went through (e.g., started spotting on day 22 of my cycle & then continued just spotting for 14 days straight — followed by another cycle of regular length but then a heavier than average period with killer cramps). The thing I find so frustrating at this age is so many drs tend to brush these things off with a “well, at your age…” (gee, thanks…!). Yes, it’s probably related to (peri)menopause, but I always think, “what if it’s not?”

  15. […] Nearing menopause, with recurring fibroids, yet again. Damaged tubes. Deep scars in my uterine walls. Virtually no lining. Old eggs. The list goes on. […]

  16. […] morphology was an issue. Finally, my cycles had grown more and more irregular, and I had been recently diagnosed as perimenopausal by a doctor I trust. She also suggested that if I continued to have issues with fibroids or […]

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