solstice revisited

One year ago today, we were remembering what it felt like to hope.

One year ago today, we were realizing the significance and symbolism of putting behind the darkest days as we awaited the sun’s return.

One year ago today, we embraced new possibilities.

One year ago today, we met K for the first time.

Today I am remembering that dark grey and wet afternoon, how the rain seemed it would never end.

Today I am remembering how nervous we all were that day — how M couldn’t even eat breakfast, how I combed my hair for like 20 minutes in the car, how when we got there early I wondered if she’d really show up and how I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t, how I asked M if he thought she was nervous too, and how when K walked in the first thing she said was “I’m a little nervous…”

Today I am remembering the minute she walked through the door and came over to us, how we each rose and embraced her and she responded with such a strong and grounding hug, her clear blue eyes looking right into my soul as if to say, I think I know you already…

Today I am remembering how easy the conversation flowed, how many topics we each had in common, how interested we all were in the other’s words, how three hours just flew by, how we connected…

Today I am remembering how, as much as I wanted to become a mother, I just wanted to support this young woman, whatever her decision may be…

Today I sit at home listening to the rain again, nursing our beautiful daughter back to health from her first awful cold… and I feel such gratitude.

Tomorrow we will celebrate the solstice with K, and we will remember together.

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~ by luna on December 21, 2009.

12 Responses to “solstice revisited”

  1. This is lovely, and I’m so glad to hear that you’ll be celebrating with K!

    I’m glad she’s had your support, too. I think I understand that feeling you had because once we met Rowan, the 15-year-old who might end up being our child legally, we knew that we wanted to support him no matter what, whether or not he ended up placed with us. We just wanted to see him succeed. It’s always seemed like you have that same kind of loving spark toward K, and it seems to me like the best way to start an adoption.

  2. This is just so beautiful. I feel privileged to have been here to share a bit of this journey through your eyes. You all are amazing.

    There is so much to celebrate this solstice! I hope you have a wonderful time reminiscing with K tomorrow.

  3. I remember that day, too. Because I read your post on my handheld during a layover in ATLANTA!

    Proof that dark is always followed by light.

    (Let’t not think now about the other part of that.)

  4. What a wonderful post. Your journey is amazing, and incredibly beautiful. I hope you have a meaningful solstice celebration!

  5. Beautiful post.

  6. I remember that day as well from your post. You had just finished your profile, as I recall, when your paths crossed with K’s. What an amazing day.

  7. Been thinking of you and your mum lately Luna.

    And thanks for reminding us of your precious story.

    love b

  8. Luna,
    As always a beautifully expressed post.
    I am, right now, where you were a year ago. We met the most amazing young woman last week and I feel so connected to her. Yes I’d love to parent her child but, truly, I want what is right for everyone, whatever that may be. It is a really jumbled state of emotion as you no doubt understand.
    Love to you all throughout the festive season.
    I know you will be experiencing a real range of emotions once again, thinking of you x

  9. Beautiful.
    I am looking forward to a similar moment of my own with my baby.

  10. […] strange to think how much can change in a year, but it’s true, as I was remembering as winter solstice recently came upon us again. It has been quite a year of […]

  11. […] phone or email. Then it was another six weeks until we saw her Thanksgiving weekend. In December, on the winter solstice we celebrated the anniversary of the day we met and spent some time around the holidays. Then we didn’t see K until March, when she […]

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