two years and 301 posts

Two years ago tomorrow I created this blog and had no idea if anyone would ever read it. Of course I started writing for me, though I knew there was an incredible web of support out in the blogosphere and I only wished I had found it years earlier.

Why did I begin? Why do I keep on writing? I think I’ve said it all before, but it bears repeating. Connection. Compassion. Understanding. Affirmation. Solidarity. Friendship. Therapy. Why do I keep reading your stories? For the same reasons. To witness. To share and support. To abide. To learn and grow.

Telling my story helps me work through it. Somehow it enables me to live more thoughtfully, with greater intention. While I don’t write everything down here — who does? — this space has become a safe haven for me to contemplate, process, vent and reflect.

Certainly this blog has seen some powerful transformation as my journey to parenthood evolved over time.

Two years ago I was investing my energy in futile treatments and pondering an uncertain future. I was optimistic, hopeful. Yet I was also afraid of our fast dwindling options. I hit my breaking point the following spring and was suddenly facing a life without children. I may have felt alone then, but I had more support than ever here in these pages.

When we decided to shift our path from trying to conceive to hoping to adopt, I was so grateful to have this outlet and such tremendous support. This time last year, I was just into the realm of The Wait. Without this space and the connections I’ve made through reading other blogs, I think I would have found it much more challenging to take that leap of faith and embrace the uncertainty inherent in family building when it is beyond your control.

Perhaps there is some kismet in the fact that on my one year blogoversary last year, we had our very first contact with K. It was also my father’s birthday, which was serendipitous since it was his parting gift that helped make our adoption possible. This year, we will travel to visit my ailing mother. Full circle.

As my story has evolved, so too has this space. I’ve never had a ton of readers, but my readership has changed over time. I’ve lost some along the way as my path shifted from failed treatment to adoption. I imagine it could be difficult to read about someone who gave up all hope of “success.” And I know how bittersweet it can be to read about becoming a new mother when you’re in the thick of despair and longing. You click away. I know I have. Paths diverge. Yet I have gained other readers along the way too. Some are interested in the shift to adoption. Some are inspired by our story — i.e., saying that if I could move from grief and hopelessness to hope and joy, well, maybe they could too.

Although I will never have a million hits a day or month or year even, it is gratifying to see how interest in my story has evolved. My heaviest traffic used to be for failed cycles. That changed when I started writing about our transition to adoption, with the announcement of Baby J’s birth surpassing all other days by far. I love hearing from new readers and was thrilled when so many of you came out to request the password for select posts such as Baby J’s birth story.

While I may never have hundreds of comments on a single post, I love reading each and every one. They don’t just demonstrate your incredible support. Your comments have made me think. They have enabled me to feel heard and understood. They have held me up and helped me process. They have made me smile and laugh. Your wonderful wishes when Baby J was born and when I shared the first image of her when I had no words were like a shower of blessings. More recently, I was moved by the kindness and support you expressed when I announced my mother’s illness, and by how you continue to abide on those dark days.

I should add that in two years of blogging, (so far) I have only received two negative comments that stung. Both were related to adoption. While I did not publish them, I did attempt to respond to engage the commenters in a dialogue. Clearly that was not their intent, as both left bogus email addresses. This served to remind me that we won’t always agree, but we do need to respect each other’s views, or why are we even here?

I’ve never been the most prolific blogger, and I’m not sure why I find it so amusing that I hit these landmarks on some sort of schedule when it is actually completely random. This is post number 301, after reaching 201 posts at one year, and 101 posts at six months.

Throughout it all, it has been profoundly powerful to know I am not alone on this path, whether the news is joyful or devastating. The support and friendship I’ve found is simply invaluable. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I only hope that I can give back a part of what you have so generously given to me. I am so grateful.

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~ by luna on December 10, 2009.

16 Responses to “two years and 301 posts”

  1. Happy Blogoversary! You may have started blogging to learn and to grow, but I for one have learned so much from you.

  2. Dear Luna,
    It has been an honor to keep up with you every step of this odyssey. Happy 2nd blogoversary! Your blog has definitely brightened up this year for me.

  3. Happy Blogoversary! I’m so glad you started blogging. I’m so glad I found you. Your story is an inspiration! Don’t stop.

  4. Happy 301, Luna! Your path is not mine, obviously, but I love your eloquence & your grace in handling all of life’s twists & turns. I’m so glad you have kept writing.

  5. Happy Blogoversary 🙂

    I love your description of what readers and comments mean to you. Very well said.

    I’ve been honored to read and share in your story. You are definitely a glimmer of hope for me as I ponder adoption in its many forms.

  6. I remember not knowing what a blog was or that there were alot of them out there. I also wished I had none sooner so that I could have found people goign thru similair situations or to ask questions etc. I also dont’ have a ton of followers but I dont; care about that, that wasnt’ why I wanted to blog either.

  7. I’m so glad our paths have crossed in blogland. Happy blogoversary, Luna! You are something special.

  8. Happy Blogoversary! So happy that we found each other through this journey–I look forward to many more blogoversaries!

  9. I am immensely grateful that you’re blogging, and writing about the various paths you’ve taken on your journey to get where you are today. And don’t kid yourself, there’s humor mixed in with the heartbreak, and bittersweet in amongst the happiness, and I appreciate and relate to that more than you know — no matter the path.

    Kudos to you. Keep writing.

  10. Full circle, indeed. Happy blogoversary, and yes, THANK YOU for blogging. I’ve always enjoyed your words. xox

  11. Happy Blogoversary!
    I am grateful to have found you.

  12. Congrats on 301! And absolutely, never alone. Never.
    Looking forward to 401:)
    xxoo

  13. Hi I have been on a journey this last 3 months and I know that with each journey we have to brace ourselves!
    I know that infertility and the loss of being able to have a biological child never leaves just like the effect of divorce, Rape or other abuses and have suffered several of those I know there is light and we all have to take a journey or 3!
    Hang there and hope all goes well for your family both near and far over the next few months.
    Hugs Ruth in NZ

  14. Luna, it has been a privilege to follow along with your journey. Thank you for writing, and for supporting us as well.

  15. […] One year ago, we had an amazing six month old baby girl in our lives. We were navigating through the complexities of a relatively new open adoption, feeling our way. I was about to return to work part time. My mother was teetering on the edge of death. We weren’t sleeping much. Yet we were grateful. […]

  16. […] blogoversary was also the first day we heard from Kaye, our future daughter’s birth mom. At two years, I had another 100 posts (301) and a six month old baby. By three years, however, I had a toddler […]

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