update (updated)

Thank you all again for your support these past few weeks. I posted an update to my last post (at the end), but I just haven’t had the time, energy or chance to write much lately.

I’ve talked to my mom every day for the past week. The morning after my last post, she finally returned my call. She sounded weak, tired. My stepdad told my aunt that she is feeling depressed and angry. Her doctors convinced her to try one last procedure in an effort to alleviate some of her symptoms. It is risky but she has no other real options aside from doing nothing. If they decide she is strong enough, on Monday morning she will undergo one last procedure to attempt to cut off the blood flow to and from the main tumor. It won’t fix her and it could very well kill her, but the thought of feeling any better at all was appealing enough to try.

I just keep thinking that she could really go any day, at any point in time. Her heart could give out in an instant. Her liver could fail overnight. Just like that. Every time the phone rings, I hold my breath. When it doesn’t ring, I think that she must be too exhausted to talk. When the phone rang just after 6am last week — I happened to be up already with the baby, because that’s how she rolls — M and I both thought the same thing. But it was just my stepdad with the daily update. He didn’t think about the time difference (8am in the Lonestar state).

In the midst of my mom’s own emotional and physical turmoil, she actually asked me how I was doing. Leave it to her to try to get some last mothering in. I was touched that she was concerned about my well being, me being a new mom and her baby. I told her I was doing okay, just worried about her. She’s worried too. I assured her that I take some comfort in knowing she is in good hands and at the best facility, that if anyone can help her they can. She agreed, for what that’s worth.

We say I love you a lot these days.

I told her we wanted to come and visit. I know she wants to see us and especially Baby J. After a few days, she finally asked when we could visit once she is released and goes home — assuming this actually happens. We’re planning a visit for early-mid December and hoping that won’t be too late. So it looks like Baby J will be taking her first flight soon.

Now I have to decide about the damn flu shot and H1N1 vaccine for the baby. I’m not a fan of flu shots and especially not for a barely even six month old baby…

There is so much more I want to say, but I’ll  just leave at that for now.

~~~~

Update: She pulled through the procedure this morning and the doctors did what they wanted to do. Now they expect she will feel pretty awful for a couple of days before (they hope) she might get some relief from some of her worst symptoms. Barring any unforseeable complications, she is scheduled to go home at the end of the week.

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~ by luna on November 22, 2009.

12 Responses to “update (updated)”

  1. Thinking of you all. Hugs to you.

  2. Sigh… Such tough, bittersweet days right now. All you can do is take it one step at a time and try to savor the good moments and the time you have left with mom.

    Regarding the vaccination, I thought I read somewhere that there’s a minimum age requirement. Maybe it’s six months, but I seem to recall it being a bit older. Definitely don’t take my word for it though. I just figured that the answer may help your decision making process in the event that the baby is not yet old enough.

    Wishing the best for your mom and your family on Monday. Please update when you can.

  3. I am so sorry to hear that your mom isn’t doing well. my prayers are with you and your family during this trying time

  4. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Sending love.

  5. Thinking of you and sending lots of love.

  6. Thinking of you. I hope you get to have a nice long visit with your mom.

  7. I am so glad the procedure went well and that you are planning a trip to spend some time with her! I hope she gets some relief soon!

  8. Great news about your mom making it through the procedure and going home soon. I’m so glad you are going to visit her soon.

  9. Luna, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom (and that I’ve been living under a rock and not in the blogosphere offering up support). What a difficult situation for you all to be in. She sounds like a real fighter who is full of compassion and the will to protect all around her. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. […] up to a year, though back then I didn’t believe she could hang on so long. The effects of her last procedure are now wearing off. Her liver is deteriorating, her heart is wearing down, and she is weakening. […]

  11. […] later — one year ago this week — my mom was discharged from a world class hospital after one last desperate effort to improve the quality of her remaining life, though the procedure could have easily killed […]

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