sweet patch

So much to say, so little time… and not sure how much to share.

It’s been a busy week here and we are recovering from our weekend away. Another post will have to be forthcoming on that, as I am still processing. It was all good, really. It’s just that there is so much to ponder.

But now ’tis the season to think of spiders and witches and little goblins. And pumpkins.

This time last year, we were moving full steam ahead with our adoption outreach when I had a major setback one fall Sunday afternoon. We had gone to our local pumpkin patch for some harvest fun, yet it was anything but. The experience left me weepy and raw. I was depressed and feeling hopeless.

I was grieving the life we didn’t have, the life we would never have.

That day as I looked around at all the families and babies, I was feeling every loss so acutely that I could barely speak. The sight of all those kids in wheelbarrows and little wobbly legs learning to walk amidst the bright orange gourds waiting to be picked and carved was just too much.

On top of my grief, or perhaps underneath it all, I was doubting whether we would ever be “picked” or whether we’d lose ourselves in the wait.

What a difference a year makes, no?

Seriously, I feel like that should be the title of my blog this year.

A week ago we went back to our pumpkin patch with Baby J. We packed up the stroller and bundled up in layers and joined the masses who all had the same idea. We spent half an hour trying to get the perfect photo (never got it) before selecting the perfect pumpkin for each of us and checking out the petting zoo. There was way too much activity for the baby and she was rather overwhelmed by it all (ponies and hayrides and pumpkins, oh my!)

Yet what really stuck in my mind was the incredible contrast from last year.

Every day I am amazed by the path our lives have taken that has led us to this.

And I am filled with awe and gratitude.



~ by luna on October 27, 2009.

25 Responses to “sweet patch”

  1. Last week, on the way to and from the pediatrician, I passed the pumpkin patch from my own sad blog post last year and thought of you. What a joy to see your little pumpkin sitting in your patch.l

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  3. She’s adorable, Luna!

    Reading this, I got tears in my eyes. I am so happy for you.

  4. I remember your despair! I remember my own, too.

    Love the title of this post, too.

    She is adorable. Really, she takes my words away.

  5. such a cute photo! I know exactly your feeling, isnt’ it great to do the things you couldn’t do before, unfortunetly it doens’t take away the pain, but boy do you appreciate what yoyu have and this new life you can enjoy doing allthe forbidden things that would always send you away in tears.

  6. I’m so glad that this years journey was a much happier one. And she is adorable!

  7. I love the little feet sticking out from under the dress! and those cheeks!

    Oh, Luna, I’m so glad that a year has made such a difference in your life. And it is heartening to watch you enjoy it, treasure it, so much.


  8. Purple adorable-ness! So happy this October is so much better than last year! 🙂

  9. What an adorable photo! And look at those chubby cheeks! You are obviously flourishing as a family and it is so wonderful to know. Thank you again for sharing.

  10. I’m so glad you had a nice trip. It is wonderful to never have to go through another child-centered holiday without a child and to reflect on how much things have changed. I love the photo!

  11. I remember that post last year… my, what a difference a year makes. Oh, she is darling.

  12. It is so true, and while I knew the original post took place in a pumpkin patch, I can’t believe that it had already been a year.

  13. Amen, sister! I also have very intense and painful memories of a short-lived rollercoaster pregnancy/miscarriage that sorta stretched through Halloween/Thanksgiving/start of Christmas time 2 years ago — so this time of year of turning out to be kinda bittersweet and reflective at times. But mostly, of course, I am floored with gratitude for our little boy.

    Here’s hoping your “goody bag” is always bursting with treats and happiness — this Halloween and every season. Hug your beautiful daughter for me!

  14. Indeed, Luna. I still daily think about where we were a year ago. I wonder if that will ever stop amazing us?

  15. This post just makes me want to sing, Luna. Because almost nothing feels as good as seeing joyful, welcome change in our lives. And because J is so, so beautiful and so, so loved. As if all of that isn’t reason enough to burst into song at 6 in the morning when I’ve already been awake for over an hour!

  16. I remember your rough patch blog from last year. I was in that same emotional state. Now we are having our daughter in December.
    What a difference a year makes! So happpy for you!

  17. Beautiful, Luna…the hope, the “dream” brought to life, and of course Baby J. What a year it has been!

    I’m looking forward to hearing more about your weekend too.

  18. that is undeniably, the prettiest pumpkin princess I have ever seen!!!!!! You inspire me!!!!! I can’t believe it’s only been a year! I am so happy for you guys! Please adopt me too!

  19. Your daughter is beautiful!

    The subname of your blog really could be……The Difference A Year Can Make. You captured both this year’s and last year’s pumpkin patch trips so eloquently. You bring hope to those of us waiting for our “year of difference” to come!

  20. How beautiful. So happy for all three of you…and wanting to know your secret for writing coherent posts while parenting…:)

  21. Oh Luna. She’s absolutely gorgeous! I am so happy that you are now in such a different place to this time last year.

  22. It’s not THE perfect photo but compared to a year ago, it’s A perfect photo:-). So very very cute.

  23. Oh my goodness, Luna, she is just luscious! Those cheeks! : )

  24. […] family, even when it has been challenging. And we (finally) enjoyed our first visit to our local pumpkin patch, which was so unlike our visit last […]

  25. […] Last year, incredibly enough, we sat our beautiful cherubic five month old baby girl on top of a pumpkin and counted our blessings. […]

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