a year in time

One year ago began the moon cycle that resulted in K becoming pregnant with Baby J. The 24th was the date used to calculate K’s due date, which was right on target.

It has been a long and transformative year for K, and for us too.

A year ago, K had just turned 20 and was enjoying the freedom that comes with youth. She was living her dream life, for and in the moment. A few weeks after her birthday came the full moon. A few weeks later, she unintentionally but quite magically conceived a baby that she was not prepared to parent. (I use the term “magically” to refer not to her ability to conceive, obviously, but rather to the circumstances under which she did so.)

At the same time, one year ago M and I were waiting for our home study to be finalized and eager to begin our official “wait.” We had just completed the first draft of our adoption profile before heading out on a much needed vacation to the Southwest. We were grateful to have finally sent our draft materials off for review, as this had weighed heavily on us (i.e., how to “market” yourself as a prospective parent?!)

A year ago, we had not yet grown frustrated with the “hurry up and wait” inherent in adoption. We were excited and just beginning embrace the philosophy that we must trust in the process. We would need to be truthful and have faith that if we did our part, the right match would come along in time. We realized that very soon, we would have to let go — i.e., put it all out into the universe without regard for what might come back. We were trying to accept that beyond that point, we had absolutely no control.

We were preparing ourselves for the wait, trying to eliminate all expectations.

At the same time, part of me was still struggling to believe I would ever be a mother. I was worried that our wait would last indefinitely and that the passing time would seem like forever. I had let go of the dream of a biological child and allowed the dream to be reborn, re-envisioned. Yet the thought of waiting for years was too much to consider.

But time is relative.

K became pregnant the week our home study was finalized. As she struggled to determine her next steps, we grew frustrated with the slow pace of our outreach progress. By the time K’s decision to place her baby became clear, we were on our own path to connect with her through several different means. It seems as though we were destined to meet, somehow.

Now, a year later, nearly three months after Baby J’s birth, K is back out in the world, living her dream. And us? We are so grateful to be mama and papa to this beautiful baby bear, who is now 12+ weeks old. We check in with K regularly to give her weekly updates, and we plan visits when we can with K and her family.

None of us could have imagined a year ago that this is where we’d be today. But we are all so grateful to each other, so fortunate that we just happened to cross paths as we did. Coincidence? Fate? Destiny? Luck? Whatever it is, this synergy is amazing.

It is incredible what a difference a year does in fact make.

~ by luna on August 26, 2009.

11 Responses to “a year in time”

  1. A huge year, for everyone. The fascinating thing in this story for me is how open adoption made it possible to turn what had the potential to be a lot of hurt on all sides into a beautiful set of multifaceted relationships, where everyone is a winner, baby J first of all.

  2. That is a big difference in a years time.

  3. It always seems like a long time looking ahead, a full year, but in hindsight it can be surprising how fast it went and how much can change. And what a year you’ve all had! It’s inspiring, really. Enjoy this moment, Luna. Happy for you!!!

  4. A year can be so very long. And a year can be no time at all.

  5. Aww Luna, last Aug could you have even imagined how happy you would be in Aug 2009? What a difference a year can make! I’m so filled with hope today!

  6. This post gives me a case of the Happies.

    Here’s to living our dreams, to trusting, to synchronicity.

  7. “synergy” is the word we keep coming back to.
    I like synchronicity too.

  8. A beautiful reflection, Luna. What a year! Thanks for sharing it and for reminding me how good it can get in such a short amount of time.

  9. Amazing what can happen in just a year isn’t it?

    I want to ask you a serious question, and if you don’t feel that you want to answer in this format, that’s totally understandable. My husband and I are considering domestic adoption, and we worry a lot about the ramifications of an open adoption. You and your husband seem to have a wonderful relationship with K. I was just wondering how you see this relationship developing in the future? What kind of connection do you hope she will establish with Baby J? Do you ever worry about the possibility that when she gets older, K will develop more maternal feelings towards her? Would that be something that would affect you negatively?

    You and your husband seem to have handled the difficulties of open adoption so well. I’m must curious to see how you think it will go in the future. Thank you.

  10. […] strange to think how much can change in a year, but it’s true, as I was remembering as winter solstice recently came upon us again. It has […]

  11. […] Our path has taken many twists and turns since that magnificent summer afternoon, all of which have led us to this day. For better or worse, through thick and thin, in sickness and health. I don’t like to think that everything we’ve been through happens “for a reason,” because I believe that sometimes simple chaos rules. The forces of the universe keep spinning and time passes and life keeps on moving. Sometimes you keep up, sometimes you fall behind. Sometimes we’re out of whack, and sometimes we’re perfectly aligned. I think the best we can hope for is some sort of balance, some synergy. […]

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