thanks and bits

Many thanks for all your good wishes after so much sorrow. M and I are so touched by all of your kind words, good thoughts, positive energy, virtual hugs, prayers, love and light.

And so I share a few bits to keep you posted on our other goings on…

– 36w3d and baby is descending, head first! The midwives say baby is nearly engaged in K’s pelvis. I hear they can stay there  a few weeks before birth, but I’m not telling K that. She’s ready to go now

– You know we’ve been getting ready since we’ve got less than 4 weeks to go. No bags are packed yet, but we will spend the weekend painting the nursery. We’re planning a small mural and K wants to help! I think that is just too cool.

– K has been been planning a home birth and M and I each got a role, in addition to general support. M will get to cut baby’s cord, and I get to announce baby’s gender (one of the few true surprises left in the universe)!

– Yesterday K referred to me as “her baby’s mama!”  It was too effing sweet.

– We’ve (finally) been in contact with the biological father and his family. I alluded to challenges we encountered when he resurfaced and his family was unsure about the adoption plan. (To be clear, that wasn’t the only concern back then.) We recently connected over good conversations about our intentions, philosophy, and desire to maintain a connection with this baby’s family of origin. I believe we’ve earned their support, and they have expressed interest in future involvement.

– A month ago, I began the protocol to try to induce lactation. I don’t have enough time to do it optimally, but I’ll see how it goes. Last night I had an anxiety dream about not being able to feed the baby (it was a girl, btw). We’ve got some organic formula as back up and to supplement. Yet there’s also a fear that the baby will never learn to latch if s/he uses a bottle first (who named that “nipple confusion” anyway?). So I’m hoping my body will step up and do something right, just this once…

– I ordered diapers! This is huge. Like nursing, I gave this a lot of thought. Being the eco-crunchy, organic-eating, rabid recycling, naturalist hippie that I am, I wanted to use cloth. Yet I was nervous about the extra work in those first months while we get settled. Plus, living with an old septic tank makes it sort of a dicey option. And now there are all kinds of cool eco options (who knew?). My solution: I signed up for a cloth service for a few months and bought some biodegradable ones for when practicality prevails. After that, we’ll decide what works for us and whether we’re ready to take the plunge to wash poopy diapers at home. I promise not to write about them though!

– The carseat was just delivered. We intended to use a good hand-me-down seat that is still perfectly fine. Then we saw that it looked a bit ratty, even though it’s never been in an accident. Normal wear and tear, baby puke, etc. Fuck it, I thought. This baby deserves a new carseat! So I ordered one, and it just arrived like 15 minutes ago.

– I am really tired of hearing that we “have no idea” about anything. Like, how much work it is, how little sleep we’ll get, how much stuff we need, how many diapers they use, how we’ll be itching to go back to work, how it will all be worth it (by people who have no idea), blablablah. Seriously. shut. the. fuck. up.

– Work is crazy. First of all, I should be working right now (shhh), so part of the stress of being behind is simply my own fault. But between figuring out how we can make this work in the long run and preparing for an extended leave in the meantime, it’s been very challenging. M and I wish we could both stay at home for a few years. Assuming we bring this baby home in a matter of weeks, we each want to savor every precious moment…

And so it is that we hope better days are ahead soon…

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~ by luna on May 6, 2009.

21 Responses to “thanks and bits”

  1. I cry every time I read a post about your growth and blending into a family and extended family with K. Every. Single. Time. Overjoyed.

    And if you write about poopy diapers, I’ll be here to read every word.

  2. All I know is that Nipple Confusion is going to be the name of my imaginary band, and for that I thank you.

    It sounds like things are zipping along. I’m excited and glad to see this update, and hope you and the baby and all baby’s families are doing well.

  3. Luna — I’ve been following you on Twitter…I can’t tell you how thrilled I am….spring indeed…

    XO

    Pam

  4. amen to the part about “having no idea” if I hear one more well intentioned comment like that I think I might punch someone.

  5. Hurrah!

    AS for the you have no idea, I think I’d be inclined to snap back, “and you have no idea what it’s like to be me. Wanna switch?” I was so disgusted by all the snide comments Mr. Spit and I got when pregnant.

  6. I am so excited.

    I want to be an honorary godmother. Or a fairy godmother. Or someone with a cool wand.

  7. Every time I open one of your posts, I find myself holding my breath. I can hardly imagine what you are feeling as K’s due date gets closer.

    Both of our babies were given a bottle before the breast because of low birth weight. One didn’t fully figure out how to latch by the time we left the hospital 2 days later. Then I was away from both of them for 4 days when I went back to the hospital and they were 100% bottle fed. After all of that, we still figured it out. It took a number of weeks and it wasn’t easy (I wanted to quit many times), but it finally clicked. So have hope that you can still make it work even if you aren’t ready by the time the baby is born.

  8. Thinking of you and hoping things continue to move along well. Have fun painting the nursery. Oh and Mrs. Spock has several posts on cloth diapering that make it sound so easy.

  9. SO so so happy for you. You are better people than Mister and I for doing cloth. We had every intention of doing so, but having to spend our first 10 days or so with a newborn in a hotel room in an unfamiliar city pretty much put an end to that fantasy. If anyone can do it, I know you can!!!!!

  10. I am glad things are looking up and that you’re getting more and more ready. Does anyone really have an idea about what it will be like to bring home their first baby? We certainly didn’t. You can’t possibly know until you do it, then you roll with it and it is completely amazing. The sleep deprivation is definitely hard, but it only lasts for a while, and I never got too upset about it because it just meant that my dream had come true!
    BTW – We use the Bum.Genius 3.0 cloth diaper and love it.
    I’m so exciting that things are getting so close!

  11. I too am hoping for you Luna, so much.

  12. Oooh, it’s just so exciting! I’m bouncing up and down in my office chair! So I get how you can’t focus on work. I’d be a daydreaming, babyplan-scheming mess.

  13. First of all, I am very sorry for your tough week. I hope things are looking better already.

    Second of all, I second your “Shut the F up!” Please. They have no idea what it will be like for you and how much you are willing (duh!) to embrace whatever comes.

    Third . . . almost there!

    Fourth – good luck in BF’ing. You will find a way to make it work. Did I tell you I knew someone who BF first then formula supplemented at each meal for 6 weeks before her milk came in with sufficient supply? This was a fertile and her 5th kid. No idea why it didn’t’ come in, but it did eventually.

    I am so happy for you and for all the people involved in this adoption.

  14. Luna, hearing your updates about K and the baby just fill me with such joy, you have NO idea. However, I do think you have a very good idea of what it is going to take to be a wonderful mother (ditto for M, re: father). And I hate hearing that, too. I think I may start responding by saying something along the lines of “I know being a parent is earth-shattering – that’s why I worked so damn hard to make it happen.”

    And I am so, so proud of you for doing the lactation protocol. I agree with Denise – I think you will all figure it out. There are lots of things you can do to to help your baby develop a strong suck, like finger feeding. One of my sisters had to do that for quite a while as they had trouble getting breastfeeding established, and they supplemented with formula and pumped milk, but didn’t give it to him with a bottle. She said that she noticed a big difference once they started doing that and his suck definitely improved while she worked on her supply issues. And he’s now a happily nursing 17 month old. If you want more info on that, let me know.

    Holding you all in the light again and wishing you better days ahead, indeed.

  15. You are so close! I can’t wait to hear all about it, including the poopy diapers.

  16. Delurking to say how excited I am for you. Also, for what it’s worth, I know that all babies are different and some really do have trouble going from bottle to breast. And while it’s not always easy the transition can be made. My daughter was a preemie and didn’t even start trying to nurse until she was 4 weeks old. She picked it up pretty quickly and was able to go back and forth from breast to bottle with ease. I nursed her until she was 14 months. My son, who is 2 1/2 weeks old, had to get formula in the hospital because he had low blood sugar, though he was also nursing from day 1. Now we are fortunate enough to have a baby who can breastfeed AND take a bottle from his daddy a couple of times a day. I know lactation consultants advise against using a bottle early on, but it’s worked out fine for us both times and my sister had a similar situation with her son and she also had a baby who could use breast or bottle. Good luck!

  17. I’m no expert, but I have heard that nipple confusion is reduced when you use slow-flow nipples. The reason that the baby ends up prefering a bottle is because it’s much easier to get milk from a bottle than the breast. Good luck!!

  18. Luna – I am so incredibly excited for you. I’m so sorry that annoying people keep telling you that you have no idea. THEY have no idea. Nobody does, in the end. Every single child is different and I hate when people assume that what is true for them WILL be true for us. Really annoys me. But I am getting better and better at just ignoring them. 🙂

    Oh, and we have used cloth diapers since little A was around 2 months old and we LOVE them. We bought 20 bum genius (one size) and it’s been plenty. I could talk for days about cloth diapering. If you ever want to commiserate, give a holler!!

    What a truly lucky little boy/girl this is that is already loved by so many wonderful people. Truly blessed.

  19. So I guess telling you that you have no idea wouldn’t be appreciated 🙂 I think you do have an idea, by the way. And I’m thinking of you guys painting–perhaps today. And I hope it’s a sunny colour.

  20. Wow, it’s so exciting that the baby is getting into position! So close now. I hear you about the “you have no idea” comments… I suppose they mean well, but I find them frustrating as well. It’s like we’re supposed to change our minds because parenthood is too difficult? Hmmm… well, I’m happy to hear that you’re starting to get things together. It must be so hard to concentrate at work right now!!!

  21. I hope this happy news is bringing you some comfort, in light of the hard week you have had. I’ve very excited for you!

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