one month to go…

Somehow, we made it to May. It seemed so far away for so long. And now it’s here. The last month before K’s due date. 

Just one year ago, I wrote about how much I hate May Day and the celebration of the fertile spring with its rites and rituals that are lost on me. I reflected on all the reasons I dislike May, which used to be one of my favorite times of year. 

Things feel a bit different now, I have to say. 

At the end of this month, a baby is due to be born that is likely to become our child. 

Wow. 

My feelings are really all over the place, but right now mostly I am excited. There is so much going on in our lives as we prepare for this little one to join us. Not all of it good, some of it is just life, but much of it is wonderful. 

For the first time ever, I’m buying things for the child that is intended to be ours. Not someone else’s kid. Not someone’s baby shower or kid’s birthday. I can’t tell you how many gifts I’ve bought over the years. I’ve lost count. Yet even though I walk in those stores not looking like an expectant mama, I almost feel like one… And that is a beautiful thing. 

Just the other day I said to M, in near disbelief, “We’re gonna be mama and papa soon!” And he said, excitedly, “I know!”

The midwife appointments are weekly now. Baby just had another growth spurt. K is having weekly acupuncture and taking herbs to help prepare for labor. She gets regular chiropractic and body work. She’s practicing her breathing and visualization. K is feeling ready to give birth.

We are gathering what we need, but not quite there yet. Yet even without a bag packed, we are more than ready to welcome Baby to the world. 

We’re talking about birth and placement plans and what K envisions in those early hours and days. Everything is subject to change, of course. We are encouraging K to voice what she needs — a lesson she is learning as we go.

The midwives are creating the space that K will need to do the hard work of labor. We also want to hold the space for K to welcome Baby. She has to consider what will come next. For now, we are so honored to be present for the birth of this child. 

I am already anticipating what K might feel at and after placement, though of course I can’t know. I do know she feels at peace with her decision. Yet I also believe there will be sadness intertwined with joy… 

The other day M and I were driving home from a midwife appointment and it was all becoming very real. The baby was feeling very close. Like this is really going to happen. In a matter of weeks. I can’t truly explain how I felt in that moment, but I was moved to tears for the first time in a while. 

My heart has opened so wide for this incredible young woman. This woman, who would bestow upon us the greatest honor and privilege in entrusting her precious child to our care. To us. Her child. Our child. It is almost unimaginable this thought. I am awed by the powerful emotion it stirs in me that I cannot even name. It is beyond love and gratitude, and this is just with the idea that it could happen. In that one moment I felt as if my heart had begun to flow out into my chest and could not be contained. A brief and sudden burst of tears left me exhausted. Yet peaceful.

Just one month to go… 

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~ by luna on April 30, 2009.

23 Responses to “one month to go…”

  1. Lately, every post of yours leaves me in tears with hope, joy, and gratitude for young K. What a family you all are becoming, and the best is hopefully yet to come.

  2. Happy tears are the best, aren’t they? I feel them too, as I read your words,the joy you so richly deserve, the family you are building with K and Baby… My heart is full for you, hoping the next month doesn’t fly by, but gives you time to savor this feeling, this wonderful May.

  3. Most people only have to open wide enough to engulf the love of a child (and some of us wait until they’re good and here). Here you’ve stretched your heart wide enough to embrace not just a baby, but a family that comes with it. You continue to impress and amaze, and I’m waiting here, with you.

  4. Waiting too, & wishing you much peace & joy as you do.

  5. What a beautiful post. Sending good thoughts to all of you–K, you, M, and the baby this month.

  6. Just one month. I can hardly wait with you.

  7. It is a beautiful thing and I hope all goes well for all involved! It is one of the best feelings in the world to finally shop for kid’s things for my own and to be able to participate in baby/mama conversations. I am so happy for you.

  8. I don’t really have anything to say after that post. I just wanted to let you know that I am in just as much awe as you. It’s incredible but quickly becoming real.

  9. I am so excited for you. I am so glad that things are moving in a positive direction. I am filled with hope for your future. It will be a beautiful future, I’m sure.

  10. Luna — this is an absolutely beautiful post and I am so incredibly happy for you. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  11. I’m so happy for the three of you! Here’s wishing you smooth labor, delivery and happy times ahead.

  12. I can’t believe it, one day not long ago, you were sending out letters and now…. soon birth announcements.

  13. oops, not done. Wishing you so much love and happiness!

  14. Holy crap, here you go – one month countdown!

  15. i am so happy for you, Luna. I am so sorry i have not been around like i should…it has just been very rough lately.

    you are indeed a breath of fresh air, congratulations on your 1 month count down!

  16. I am counting down the days for you. What an exciting time! I wish the best for you as you welcome your little one into the world!

  17. WOW. A month away. What a journey you have traveled. You are all in my thoughts as you near the end of this road and prepare to start a new path, baby and family in tow.
    xxoo

  18. Luna, I am so excited for you! I cannot believe how quickly the date is coming. You have been so patient, it’s so great to hear the excitement in your voice!

  19. I, too, am completely thrilled for you, Luna. And so glad that May brings hope once more.

    In that spirit, here’s a verse from my favorite maying song:
    The lord and lady bless you,
    With all their power and might
    And bring you peace this evening,
    Bring peace both day and night…

    Until your new family member arrives!

  20. I am so excited for you. Words fail to describe exactly how much … 🙂

  21. Hi, first time visiter to your blog. I adopted a baby boy 9 weeks ago. (Los Angeles) I also tried to induce lactation , Dr Newman’s protocol. BCP for 4 months, domperidoon ext.
    Our baby was born 4-6 weeks before we thought he would arrive ( birthmom had little prenatal care – long story)
    I only stopped BCP the morning he was born, and started pumping,(instead of a month before the time as they suggested) He was in the NICU for more than a week. I could not get him to latch on with the SNS, he was so use to the bottle they gave him in the NICU, I keep on pumping but after 2 weeks gave up, I only had a few drop of milk at a time.(after 4 months on BCP) And went for bottle feeding.
    I have a Medela SNS that I used may be 3-4 times, I can mail it to you, if you want it, it was a few $$$, and I would feel better if someone could use it. (I Did steam clean it, you might want to redo it) I even have a Medela video of how to use the SNS.

  22. […] You know we’ve been getting ready since we’ve got less than 4 weeks to go. No bags are packed yet, but we will spend the weekend painting the nursery. We’re […]

  23. […] at times it was an emotional rollercoaster. As K’s due date approached, we started to feel as though this baby might actually become our child. Though nothing was certain, […]

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