you must be this tall…

So this is what a roller coaster feels like, drawn out over the course of months rather than weeks (as with cycling), or minutes (as in an amusement park). 

Things had been moving relatively smoothly since December, aside from one hectic week a few months ago. Of course we always knew the situation could change at any moment. We just didn’t know how. We couldn’t prepare ourselves for what might happen. We couldn’t anticipate how we might feel or react. We just knew we couldn’t control any of it. I guess there can be a certain comfort in that, the lack of control.

I’ve needed a bit of radio silence lately. The past week and a half have been a whirlwind of information and emotion. It was truly time to practice what I’ve been preaching. Time for lots of deep breathing. And many distractions. 

Just so you know, it still looks as if the adoption plan is still moving forward, as of now…

While I can’t share what’s been happening here, I will say that K continues to encounter people in her life that refuse to respect her decision. Even in her 8th month of pregnancy. Some of these people could be pretty significant in this child’s life. 

These are not just ‘bumps’ in the road. These are real people with real interests and feelings. The arising issues are real. Every effort is being made to explore all possibilities and to ensure that everyone has the support they need. 

Every effort is also being made to ensure that, should this adoption move ahead, this baby has as many connections with his/her family of origin as possible. This is really important to us. Already this has been a real test of true openness. 

On one level, we’ve had to step back a bit to ensure that what needs to happen does in fact happen. On another level though, K needs our support now more than ever. She certainly does not want to see us backing away. Although we still believe that anything can happen, K also needs to know that we are here for her, regardless what she decides. While we are justifiably feeling a little protective of K, we still need to ensure she has the space she needs to continue to re-make her decisions as appropriate. 

K continues to insist that she wants this adoption. She says we are this baby’s “chosen” family. The midwife appointments are more frequent now as we approach her last month of pregnancy. We arranged for a private birthing instructor to meet with us outside of the parenting couples context. We set K up with an acupuncturist who can assist with laboring in home birth. We shared our plans for painting the nursery and we’re even discussing names with K. We talk a lot about life lessons, and how this baby is teaching us all so much already…

At the same time, K is still feeling pressure from these other sources. Thankfully, our adoption counselor has stepped in to help mediate those encounters. Lest anyone get the wrong idea about that, her number one concern is the well-being of K and her baby. We continue to remind K that she owes nothing to anyone, including us. 

So for now, let’s just say this is going to be an interesting seven weeks. If I truly subscribe to living in the moment, as of this moment we are still planning to bring home a little one some time in early June. Which is actually not so far away. Time to strap ourselves in…

~ by luna on April 12, 2009.

22 Responses to “you must be this tall…”

  1. Luma, you never cease to amaze me with how you are dealing with the struggles that you are faced with on this welcome, but difficult pathway. I can also feel myself gripping the safety bar and holding on for dear life. I’m keeping all of you in my thoughts, especially K. So close….

  2. Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome for all of you.

  3. You and M are amazing people (as is K).

    Today, you are amazing parents-to-be.

  4. I don’t believe it’s all talk, cuz I believe you’re just a better person than I am, but man alive you seem to be handling this well. You really are just rolling with it – albeit probably stressed in the comfort of your own home – but you seem to be prepared to do what’s necessary on any side of this. It’s amazing. As for these people in her life, ugh. I just wish they could see what you’re doing, what you’re capable of, and realize it really is for the best and this really is K’s decision.

  5. Luna, it sounds like you are doing the exact right thing in this situation, no small feat considering the fear you must feeling. I’m sorry that K. is encountering resistance instead of support. It would be great if the people in her life could think independently about the baby, instead of about personal conflicts and leverage.

    I’m praying for all of you and for this situation. You are doing a fantastic job with everything, holding steady to what you believe in spite of pressure. That’s the very definition of grace, my friend.


  6. many thanks, all.

    just realized K’s due date is 50 days away. the countdown begins.

  7. I can not fathom all of the emotions and feelings your roller coaster is giving you right now . . . it is so awe-inspiring to watch you hndle all of this with such grace and genuineness.

  8. I’m so impressed with how you are carrying yourself through this very trying process. I know it isn’t easy, but you’re fantastic.

  9. Like L, I’m very impressed with your grace throughout this difficult waiting period. Here for you if you need to talk…

  10. Thinking of you, hoping this is the last loop-de-loop and that clarity comes to all of you soon. Your commitment to this process is astounding!

  11. I am still here, lurking and keeping you in my thoughts. Rollercoaster rides suck, I have decided. I wish you guys the best, keeping my fingers crossed for the next 50 days.
    (Which makes it a little difficult to work…)

  12. Luna, it sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing in this situation. I am sorry it’s such a roller coaster, but hopefully the ride will wind down soon and it will have been worth it. I am thinking of you.

  13. At this particular moment, I’m sitting in a roller coaster car that has stalled out at the bottom of a hill. Having done the ups and downs and twists and turns, I’m a little wary of starting up again, but nothing is happening, anyway.

    I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts. This whole process is so hard.

  14. Best wishes to all of you as things get a little hairy. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job and K and baby are lucky to have you in their lives.

  15. You’re all in my thoughts as you ride out these final days. You’ve shown such grace through all of this. I wish you both and K all of the best.

  16. I can’t imagine the emotions you must be going through. I am in awe of the way you handle yourself. Truly.

    Thinking of you x

  17. Wow. I think about the times I felt (and sometimes still feel) threatened by our known donor and here you are learning to deal with an extended family. I am impressed with your ability to keep yourself open to the possibility of adoption as well as open to helping K no matter which path she chooses.

  18. Oh Luna. This situation must be so difficult for both you and M, and also for K. I am thinking of you all, and hoping for the best possible outcome for all concerned.

  19. I wish I could kick those a$$hats in the head.

  20. I can feel my stomach rising into my throat at the same time the wind is rushing through my hair. Your grace is truly inspiring.

  21. […] at times it was an emotional rollercoaster. As K’s due date approached, we started to feel as though this baby might actually become our […]

  22. […] year ago, K was uncomfortable in her own body, dealing with unwelcome drama, and preparing for birth. She had left her life behind to live at home until the baby was born. Her […]

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