forward motion…

Thank you all for your kind words on my blogoversary! It turned out to be quite a momentous week for several reasons. No, we are not matched yet. But finally, things are starting to come together… 

I started this blog a year ago on what was my Dad’s birthday (still is, he’s just not here to celebrate anymore). Then six months ago, M and I made a private offering of gratitude to my father when we allowed his parting gift to help sustain our dream of becoming parents. Thanks to him, that decision was possible and made perfect sense. 

So it seemed fitting that, after struggling for so long before we could even feel like a “waiting” family, after finishing our home study and adoption outreach materials months ago but being delayed by others, after being stressed and depressed by the whole situation, finally everything started to come together just before my Dad’s birthday last week.

When I approved the last major revisions to our website a week ago, I felt a tiny weight lift from my shoulders. I took our two boxes of letters down to the post office and released them into the world. I called M at work and we shared a moment of relief. We started to feel like we were officially “out there.”

Then I started linking our website to a few parent profile sites (there are so many!). I began gathering email addresses for some electronic outreach (though I haven’t had much time for that). I learned how to use Ad.words and we agreed on a modest advertising budget (it is really complicated for a novice). 

I realized there was still so much more we could do to put ourselves out there. But ultimately, I have to be able to just let it go, or I’ll drive both of us crazy. We knew a long time ago that the day would come when we would have done everything within our power, and then we would just have to Let It Go. We would put it out into the universe and just have to see what comes back…

Unrelated to that frenzy of activity, we had received an email from a relative who had seen a listserve post about a local woman looking for potential parents to place her baby after birth this spring. We knew that hundreds of couples would respond. Still, it was our first “situation.” I emailed right away with a little bit about us, saying that we would love to speak with her. But we never heard back. So we let it go. 

When the site went live, I followed up with the woman again and sent her the link (see how I let it go?). She checked it out. And she replied. Our first contact! She said she loved our site, she was working out the details of her adoption plan with a lawyer and would soon begin considering families that sparked her interest. We might hear back from her. We knew the posting had been widely circulated, and I wondered how many families she was considering. But it didn’t really matter. 

She eventually did get back to us with some very good questions, which we answered by email. That process in itself was valuable for M and me, as it reinforced where we stand on some important issues. We were also reminded how important it is to be sincere and truthful in this process. Plus it was affirming to know that we might appeal to someone simply by being ourselves.

From what little we know, this young woman seems kind and sincere, and M and I were drawn to her. We know she is considering other families too. Maybe one family will be the perfect match for her, but we don’t know. We have no idea if or when we may hear back from her…

So a special request. Please send some silent good thoughts or prayers out that this courageous young woman will find the right match for her and her baby. Rather than saying we hope she is our match, I intend to just send some positive energy that her decision becomes clear and feels right. For now, that’s all we can do. 

I’ve been reluctant to write anything about this, naturally. Yet it’s hard to think about much else. This is the ultimate exercise in non-attachment. As a wise blogger recently said, by the time we become parents, we will also be Zen Masters!

In the meantime, to get my Zen on, I finally learned how to knit. I’d been wanting to learn for years, even won a lesson that was never given. I’m slow but I like it and working on my first scarf that should be done by summertime. And thanks to Mel, I am also inspired to take up bread-baking too! Definitely interested in the therapeutic value of kneading dough, and our house could use some nice aroma too. All things I can breathe right into… 


~ by luna on December 15, 2008.

22 Responses to “forward motion…”

  1. I’m sorry I missed your blogoversary — congratulations. Your honest, authentic, heartfelt words have made DBL a more bearable place, and your reaching out has certainly been a great comfort to me.

    I am sending out vibes into the universe that this woman finds her match, clear and right, and that you do as well.

    Sending love and peace.

  2. I, too, an sending good vibes your way and to the young woman so she is peaceful and happy with the choice she needs to make. Your post soothed me this morning. I think some of your zen could rub off on me. And that’s a good thing.

  3. Oh Luna, so much anticipation, all of it good. And you’re so right — you might not be the match for this particular baby. But you are the match for *a* baby. And you’re so right: people respond to you, for who you are. I know it must come through like it does this blog. There may be ups and downs here — sadly not dissimilar from IF — but know through it all that you are good people, and anything is possible.

    And you’re right: don’t forget to breathe.

  4. I guess putting yourselves out there as potential adoptive parents you are really in a position to market yourselves the best you can – and I don’t mean that in a negative way at all. That whole first impression thing takes on a completely different meaning when you are trying to attract the attention of a birth mother or family and baby. At some point, I suspect, you do have to say I’ve done all that I can and just hope and pray for the best. And I sit here so hopeful for you, Luna. Anxious for a birth mother to see the parent profile site you and your dh have created and say, “They are the ones. They are the parents for this child.”

    I honestly can’t believe how far you’ve come in this process, although for you, I’m sure, it feels like it’s been an eternity. Keeping my fingers crossed that your tiny little baby comes to you soon. XO.

  5. Energy–tons of it–sent to the young woman and to you two.

    Bread baking is so much fun! If you have the time, check out English Bread and Yeast Cookery by Elizabeth Davis. She has tons of history, useful facts, and interesting recipes. I got it out of our local library. I hope it inspires you to get kneading. 🙂

  6. You are such a beautiful spirit.

    And like attracts like in these cases.

    Wise blogger 😉

  7. What an unselfish thought Luna to wish her the best parents and not restrict it to a “oh hope she chooses me” wish!(On a side note, I’m hoping it clicks for both – the brave young woman and you and the chemistry is right)

    Congratulations on your blogoversary.

  8. I have everything crossed for you. Every step is good, and I really am excited for you.

  9. It is testimony to your wonderful generosity of spirit, dearest Luna, that your main concern is that this young woman does what feels right for her and her baby. I am sending wave upon wave of positive energy both in her direction, but also in yours. I am willing as hard as I possibly can that you and the amazing M will soon be able to welcome a child into your lives.

    And in the meantime, I hope that knitting and kneading will help you pass the time as you wait.

  10. I will absolutely keep her in my thoughts, and the precious little person she is selflessly bringing into the world. There is nothing more selfless and humbling than what she is considering. I have had a-holes who THINK they are being supportive say “how could anybody give up Lil Pumpkin?” I try not to bite their heads off, and gently explain that she was loved and cherished so much that her biological parent(s) wanted to give her what they thought was a better life than they were able to provide. And that somehow, someway, God and Fate conspired to bring us to her.

    I know it’s after the fact, but if you would ever want to read our “Dear Birthparent” letter (for any domestic opportunities that come our way), I’d share with you privately via email. Our social worker said our humor came through, and that’s something that can be important to birthparents, seeing/feeling/reading the warmth that is communicated via humor.

    HUGS (big, giant, bear hugs)!

  11. Sending positive thoughts to your first contact that she might find the right match and peace in her heart. And sending positive thoughts to you for the same wish.

  12. oh you bet i will send good thoughts/good vibes your way. wow, what a start! your time will come…and I am also thinking of the prospective birth mom and hoping she makes the right choice for her and her baby (which i hope points to you and M…but i digress)

  13. Oh Luna. You have done everything ethically possible. I’ll be sending out positive vibes your way and hers.

  14. Wow, our blogoversaries are so close! Conrgats!!! How exciting about the prospect. I felt the same way at first when I got news I would be meeting a potential GS. I didn’t want to say anything or get too excited before we knew it was going forward. But I really hope and pray you find your match!! Sending lots of positive thoughts!

  15. Nam myo ho renge kyo – that is daimoku – consider it done! One hour of daimoku for coming right up!

  16. This post gave me a zen moment. I will hope that she finds her perfect match and that you find yours and if those two things are one, then so much the merrier!

    Good thoughts to you!

  17. i have such respect and admiration for your resilience and your zen approach to what is such a complex experience. Sending all sorts of good thoughts your way…

  18. […] to step out of the shadow of infertility and pursue adoption. Now that we finally have some forward motion, I recently allowed myself to consider that it could finally happen some day. We don’t know […]

  19. Oh Luna, I’m just catching up. This is so exciting! I’m sending tons of good energy your way!

  20. […] it turns out, we first encountered K the very week we intended to “put it out into the universe and see what might come […]

  21. […] made her first contact the very next day. She was nearly 16 weeks pregnant and making an adoption plan for her baby. That […]

  22. […] years ago, on this same day, was the first time we heard from Kaye. She was 16 weeks pregnant. After a week of email exchanges, we agreed to meet on […]

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