a year and 201 posts
I didn’t plan it this way, but it just so happens that today is my blogoversary and yesterday was my 200th post. What’s funny is there’s absolutely no rhyme or reason to how often I post (sometimes it’s once a week, sometimes 3-4 times). Yet I hit 101 at six months, just after offering up number 100 to M for his debut (and sole) post, and here we are six months later with another 100 posts.
A year ago my life looked very different. In many ways it still feels the same. But it’s not. Quite a year it has been. I’m still processing it all. I imagine I’ll have a hell of a whopper RIP 2008 post coming up soon…
For now, I’ll just say thank you. My deepest gratitude to every one of you who has shared this journey with me over this past year. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you all. Seriously, I’d be curled up in a ball somewhere babbling in tongues. But here I am. And here you are. I am so fortunate to have found you and to be a part of this outstanding community. I am so grateful for the understanding, for the connection, the solidarity.
Because on some level, most of you, you get me. Even though we may have made different choices and taken different paths. Even if you don’t agree with me. Even if we have different backgrounds and beliefs. Even though most of us have never met (though I’m so grateful some of us have — you know who you are!). Even though we live in different corners of the world, miles and continents apart. Even though we merely “talk” through this amazing box of light — this thing that connects us in such meaningful and powerful ways — I feel a bond and kinship with those who have passed through these pages that is stronger than any I could have imagined a year ago.
It’s knowing that someone understands how I feel. It’s feeling that sharing my story as it unfolds, with my hopes and fears, somehow relieves part of the burden of living it. It’s being supported when I could not stand myself. It’s knowing that someone I’ve never met is cheering us on. It’s realizing that you’ve got my back. It’s meeting you in person and having the sense that I’ve “known” you for so long. It’s affirmation and connection in a very alienating and isolated world. No doubt about it — it’s instant therapy.
It’s why I read your stories too. To witness. To affirm. To share, think and learn. To support and grow.
Yes, it has been quite a year. My most significant shift may be best reflected in how WordPress marks my “busiest day.” I’ve never had a huge readership, but thanks to Queen Mel, we may all get some additional traffic when we need it. The day I had the most “hits” was the day I sunk into a great depression and announced my failed FET in March. I was so happy to learn that day had been surpassed in popularity by the auspicious day of our home study visit for our adoption in August. And after inviting readers to say hello and introduce themselves, I was thrilled to receive the most comments I’ve ever had for last month’s “coming out party.” That was freaking awesome! I should do that more often (and so should you, dear readers). And this? I fucking love that.
I am so grateful for this space, and to M for encouraging me to begin writing in the first place. I’ve said it all before, and I still mean it.
Ironically, words alone cannot convey the incredibly positive impact this space has had on my life this past year. Writing is just a part of it. Your witness to this journey, your affirming presence and support have been powerfully therapeutic. Transformative, even.
It all began with a tiny shout out to the world. I wondered if anyone would even hear it. I questioned whether someone would respond. I doubted that anyone would return. It didn’t matter, I thought. But now I know better.
Now, nearly 45,000 hits and over 2700 comments later, it’s hard to believe it’s only been a year in the life….