soon this will be out of our hands. oh wait, it already is…

So many half written posts in my head, so little time. I haven’t written as much lately not because I don’t have much to say, but because I really should be doing other things. You know, trying to catch up with work and sleep, going for a walk or bike ride before it becomes cold and rainy for months, cleaning my bathroom and the kitchen floor, etc. I would so not eat off our floor. 

I’ve been spending much of my “free” time — instead of doing the things listed above — preparing our adoption outreach. As I explained before, that has involved a whole lot of hurry up and wait. While we completed drafts of our letter and profile months ago, only now does it feel like we’re finally getting somewhere closer to “ready and waiting.” Oh we’re ready, and we’re waiting. But in the adoption world, if no one knows that, then none of it matters.

Of course the longer this has taken, the more we’ve been able to tweak our materials. I’m not sure if this is a good thing. Anyway, our initial outreach letter is finally at the printer. I think the proof looks good and soon a big box of letters will arrive on our doorstep, ready to go. I’ve been compiling a mailing list of ob/gyns, midwives, maternity homes and women’s health clinics in select targeted areas, trying to keep our total to a reasonable number that will allow us to feel like we’re doing something without spending a huge fortune. 

The thing is, I just realized what bad timing it is to do a mailing now. We expected this to happen a month ago, yet here we are, just as the holiday frenzy is about to wreak havoc on the U.S. postal service. With all the holiday cards, catalogs, coupons and fundraising appeals, it would probably be pretty bad timing to send our letters now. After all we’ve put into this, the last thing we want is for our letter to end up underneath a stack of forgotten holiday mail. While I realize a huge portion of our letters will land in the circular file or be ignored anyway, at least we want a chance for someone to read them. So now we will probably wait until early January to send them. See, hurry up and wait… 

In the meantime, we’re developing a website for outreach with the help of a professional. She works at her own pace, so we have to go with that flow too. It will look great when it’s done though. Then we can link it to some of the better parent profile sites that get good traffic. Do you have any idea how many parent profiles are on the web? A lot, I tell you. So many. We want ours to attract viewers, but the right viewers. While web outreach is an awesome way to put yourself out there, it also unfortunately opens you up to all kinds of things. So we need to be careful.

Let’s see, what else? I designed our more extensive “profile” which we will send to anyone interested in learning more about us before a potential “match.” Ideally people who find us through our letter or the web will contact us through email or our 800 number. We have a set of questions we will use for initial screening. Our consultant will screen people too, and she has good instincts about weeding out potential scammers. It sucks that you have to think about things like that. Really it does. Especially since we are looking for someone who is probably in a far more vulnerable state than we are. 

Searching for the right expectant mother seems like such an overwhelming task, but in truth it is not entirely within our control. That is sort of freeing, in that once we do all we can do, it’s really out of our hands. Of course that can also be frustrating. Yet as I’ve said before, our quest to bring a child into our lives keeps reminding us how little control we have in the world, how sometimes letting go is all we can do. 

Ultimately, this woman — whoever and wherever she may be — will need to find us. We’re just trying to make that a little bit easier. 


~ by luna on November 16, 2008.

14 Responses to “soon this will be out of our hands. oh wait, it already is…”

  1. Luna, you have done so much work. Wow. You are so right that all you can do is all you can do. After that it’s out of your hands. Wishing you the best in your search.

  2. You’re working so hard. It must be difficult to cope with the waiting.
    I hope early January onwards will be the beginning of a whole new chapter for you.

  3. It will do its thing. I know it will.


  4. The looking/waiting/advertising/marketing aspect of all of this is so difficult. The right situation will find us somehow. Good luck.

  5. I hear you on the long list of half-written posts.

    Wishing you the very best with this process!

  6. Aaahhh, outreach! I can understand the freeing part of it, when you know that you’ve done all that you can do and the rest is left up to time alone.

    Just in case you’re interested in extending your outreach there, the classifieds at SMO (Surrogate Mothers Online) has a section for adoption. There are several active ads there currently.

    I hope that 2009 is your year, Luna!

  7. Love the title of this post.

  8. Oh, the waiting, Luna. After all the work you’ve done, I can’t imagine how long and tortuous that will be. I’m going to hope it’s just not – not long and, in turn, not tortuous.

  9. What a process! I would be so daunted by it all and the lack of control. I sure hope that magic mother finds you soon.

  10. I know the feeling, girl, I know the feeling. You’re right to wait til January – new year, new baby! We’ll be going online as well. It’s hard not to feel frustrated – and impatient – and crazed all at the same time. Let’s wait together!

  11. I can only begin to imagine just how complex your feelings must be at this time, Luna. I am thinking of you, and hoping that your wait is a short one.

  12. […] may remember I said before we were planning to wait until after the holidays to mail our adoption outreach letter, as we were […]

  13. […] the time our home study was completed and we became eligible to adopt. In the fall, as I grew frustrated with the slow progress of our outreach, K struggled with her decision. In the days that I […]

  14. […] A year ago, we had not yet grown frustrated with the “hurry up and wait” inherent in adoption. We were excited and just beginning embrace the philosophy that we must trust in the process. We would need to be truthful and have faith that if we did our part, the right match would come along in time. We realized that very soon, we would have to let go — i.e., put it all out into the universe without regard for what might come back. We were trying to accept that beyond that point, we had absolutely no control. […]

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