3 months and 7 pages

Well it’s official. After years of battling infertility and 4.5 years of solid effort to bring home a baby, the State of California has (wisely) determined that we are “ready” to parent through adoption. 

Exactly three months to the day since we submitted our application — and began gathering piles of documents detailing our personal, professional and financial lives, opening ourselves to unprecedented scrutiny — our agency home study is finally complete!

Strange how so much effort and so many years of struggle and longing are reduced to just seven short pages. This is our life in a few blunt paragraphs. Nearly 30 pages of answers to our autobiographical questionnaires are distilled to a few mere headings. All those forms that convey such personal information are reduced to single paragraphs, life altering events to a simple sentence. 

Seeing it and black and white was somewhat surreal.

I should mention that the first draft freaked me out because there were some significant errors.  Some were honest clerical mistakes, but others suggested that the author had taken far less care in her writing than we had — e.g., aside from glaring typos, our wedding date was wrong, despite that she had a copy of our marriage certificate in front of her; even M’s name was wrong (a different M name) in one place, etc.

Other errors were even more substantial. In several instances, parts of my interview and even our home visit were presented inconsistently and inaccurately, though unintentionally I assume. Still, parts of our conversations were mischaracterized with a few conclusory statements that were simply not true. Giving our caseworker the benefit of the doubt — because we actually liked her and still have to deal with her for post-placement visits — I assume she missed some details when we briefly covered all those topics in so short a time. Maybe she was rushing to complete it. In some cases she just got things wrong. She should have asked clarifying follow-up questions if her notes were incomplete, yet she did not.

We made a commitment to be open and honest and true to ourselves throughout this process. So it was especially important to us that the home study render an accurate portrayal of our lives, and reflect all we have put into this process, to the extent it can. 

We are lucky to live in a state where we are allowed to review the home study before it is finalized. And we are fortunate to have a good supervisor at the agency who was fine with most of our revisions. So after after frenzied afternoon of back-and-forth emails in between long work meetings, the final version is now in the mail! 

So there it is. We are now officially “ready” to adopt. Yay us!

~ by luna on September 23, 2008.

34 Responses to “3 months and 7 pages”

  1. congratulations!

  2. Congratulations!

  3. yay! So exciting!

  4. Congratulations Luna and M! I’m glad that they gave you an opportunity to review it first.

  5. Yay!

    But YIKES is that awful, because it makes you wonder what they miss on the less-than-savory parents, you know? And how many fit parents get nixed because of rushed, hurried people trying to fill in the gaps? Terrible. I’ll spare you some of the hoops my cousin had to jump through for her Russian adoption, but let’s just say she discovered some of the falsehoods were intentional, and she was encouraged to continue them if they wanted their child. Who she has now, so all is well, but again — yikes. there must be a better way . . . .

  6. Congrats! I’m excited for you!!!!

  7. May your child’s journey to you be swift! And what a journey you’ve had so far.

  8. This reminds me that I need to go read mine. But YAY – we are paper pregnant together! It’s so funny to be able to say yay about something…

  9. Congrats, Luna! Oh, I’m so excited to see how this all unfolds.

    Good for you for insisting the study reflect your lives accurately. I bet it’s overwork, not general carelessness, that contributed to the sw’s errors.

  10. FANTASTIC news!!! Made my morning=)

  11. Great news Luna! Congratulations! I hope the road ahead is smooth for you and you announce something exciting soon.

    Wish Sarah Palin was vetted so much 😉

  12. “Yay”, indeed! Despite the need for the revisions, this is truly exciting news. I am so happy that this momentous step is behind you now! Onward and upward from here, right? 🙂

  13. Another hurdle behind you…

  14. Congrats……I am so happy for you!

  15. Oh, congrats!!

    Others’ typos and glaring factual errors are maddening, esp. to those of us who would never make such mistakes.

    Good luck with the process! Best wishes.

  16. That’s wonderful news, Luna!

    I’m sorry that the care and attention you put into the application process was not reflected in the first draft, but glad that you had a chance to correct the errors and to submit a document that you felt to be a true reflection of your and M’s values and beliefs.

    Good luck in the next stage of your journey!

  17. Glad you had the chance to set the record straight. Kind of scary, though!! Anyway — congratulations, & may the wait be short!

  18. Such wonderful news, Luna! Weird that there were such big mistakes though – I would never have expected that.

    Congratulations! I feel you moving closer and closer to your heart’s desire!

    And thanks for the sweet comment on my post today – I feel all warm and fuzzy.

  19. Congrats on having that out of the way!

  20. Yah to you both!!! So pleased to hear your news.

  21. Congratulations! We both know this is no small feat.

  22. Congratulations! We are also in CA and in the process of adopting. I look forward to following your journey!

  23. Congrats! You’re that much closer!

  24. Congratulations! And good for you! 3 months is pretty fast to get through all that paper.

  25. Woo! Congratulations!

  26. Congratulations, sweetie. May the wait be short.

  27. We got to rewrite anything in our report that we didn’t like or were inaccurate, so please make sure you do the same because these reports go out to birthmothers.

    You made it through – it took us a lot longer – have some champagne!

  28. Luna,
    i am just overjoyed for you, many, many congratulations are in order!!!!

  29. Yay on having the legal stuff done and the approval to move forward. I’m so happy for you.

  30. Congratulations on this significant step! I am following your journey (mostly silently) and hoping you will be parents SOON.

  31. Yay you indeed!!!

  32. I’m so late on this, but YAY! Luna. I’m thrilled for you. Absolutely over-the-moon. XO.

  33. […] writing about it last spring and it stuck with me). Well it has been quite a busy three months and I hadn’t been able to go, and today is the last day of the […]

  34. […] in a magical place that would later connect us. K realized she was pregnant at about the time our home study was completed and we became eligible to adopt. In the fall, as I grew frustrated with the slow progress of […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: