moving right along
Remember I said this month was going to be busy? Well it has been. Some good news for a change. For one thing, M and I have been cruising through our home study — or so we think — and it could be complete by mid-September!
We finally completed all of our home-study paperwork, except for one last reference which is out of our hands. We submitted all of the agency forms (and there were many), criminal statements and fingerprints, medical, financial and housing forms, marriage certificate, 2006 and 2007 tax returns, employment verification, and two of three references. Moving this mountain of paper required many little details and time, but we worked together to get it done. How I love checking stuff off the list. Yay us!
Even our landlords wrote a great letter to vouch for our stability and responsibility, noting that they raised their kids here and how they look forward to watching ours grow up here too. Sweet.
It’s been one thing at a time (sort of, because we’re also juggling). First, we were happy to finally get our application in the mail in June, after talking about it and working on it for so many hours. Then we were so relieved to meet our nice caseworker and survive the home visit, even though she didn’t even use the bathroom I scrubbed (twice) or eat the food I put out.
We each survived our individual interviews with our case worker (mine was last week, M’s was this week), without any especially tough or annoying questions. She thinks we might not even need a fourth visit since she already has everything she needs to know. Initially, she said she usually requires a fourth visit about three-quarters of the time. If she doesn’t need it, that tells me she has no reservations and she’s ready to go forth and write the study. (We kept the time open just in case she has any last minute questions.)
After the agency reviews the draft home study, we will have a chance to review and edit, then it will be finalized and we will be official! (Question: how much editing can you really do here? I assume it’s just for accuracy, rather than a chance to make us sound even more wonderful.)
In the meantime, we’ve been continuing to educate ourselves about open adoption. I just finished my third book and I’ve got two or three more on the shelf. (Maybe I’ll start a list somewhere here?) It seems the more we learn, the more we talk about it, the better we feel. Yet there is still much to do before The Wait. And there is no way to know how long it will be before we can bring a little one home. The truth is, I get a little sick to my stomach thinking about how long it could be, still…
For now, we need to keep the forward motion. Since I like to stay a step ahead, I’ve been busy moving onto the next phase: outreach. This past weekend we finished a first draft of our “profile” letter and selected some photos. We still need that one stellar cover shot — one in which I’m not wearing black, which is kind of tough — but the rest of the photos are lined up ready to go. Eventually we’ll have to put together a full photo album to share, so we scanned in some old pictures for that too.
Last weekend I also started building our website, by customizing a free template on my new computer (anyone use i-web?). We’re really happy with the way it looks so far — playful and colorful but not too slick or outrageous. But (big but) we’re not sure whether it will work well with other browsers or whether some annoying glitches will require professional help. While we could save about $1000 by building it ourselves, sometimes you get what you pay for…
Oh, and last night we actually registered a domain name for the site too. Cool.
These are the things within our control. The things we can feel a sense of accomplishment as we complete them. The things we can check off the box. So much in infertility and adoption is beyond our control. No matter what we do, we can’t control the outcome. So we are trying to savor what we can do for ourselves now, because we’ve seen enough people go through this to know that once we’re done with this, it could take a long time before anything happens. And that will be much harder.