one down, so many to go…

Today we paid to verify that we are not in fact criminals, which we hope should go along way towards determining that we are “fit” to parent. (If only it were that simple, right?) We submitted forms for background checks and left extensive fingerprints all over some high-tech scanner linked up direct to Washington, D.C. 

So, we have officially completed the first step of this process! Tomorrow I will mail the final home study application to our agency, and our home study should be complete by the end of September.

Recognizing this first milestone as worthy of celebration, we stopped for some yummy cozy comfort food on the way home, and I treated myself to some organic gelato in the most delicious cone ever. Vanilla bean and wild strawberry, which are not even my flavors, but they just looked so scrumptious (so much for my dairy-free week, ah well). But I digress.

Next, we will meet with a facilitator for the first time this weekend. We decided a while back that if we tried to adopt, we would use a facilitator to help with outreach and placement, since we did not want to be just another of about 200 couples waiting with the agency. I had consulted with a facilitator and a lawyer to find out more about their services.

On Saturday afternoon, we will attend a group support meeting/potluck barbecue at the facilitator’s home, where we will hear from other waiting and adoptive parents and a birthmother, with a chance to meet them and their kids and ask questions. This will be very different from the introductory workshop we attended last fall. And we’ll be the newbies

If we think we’d like to work together, we will begin the facilitator’s separate application process. She requires extensive reading and mandatory support meetings for waiting parents, and urges counseling for birthmothers. Her goal is deep education of the open adoption process for all parties, which should ideally result in a better “match” and situation for everyone. 

On another note, it’s been interesting hearing people’s reactions now that we’re sharing this news (in “real” life). For me it didn’t seem “real” until we started moving forward, so I wasn’t ready to talk about it. M began to tell people before I did, which I thought was sweet.

Most people are overjoyed for us. Some have been more quiet, while others, well, let’s just say some have not been as supportive as I might have expected. Being an instinctively defensive and protective person, I imagine that if anyone in our lives gives any indication that they fail to embrace our decision as anything but wonderful for us, well, then they are not likely to remain in our lives for very long… I’m just saying. 

I may have more to say about this at some point, but let’s just save something for another day, shall we?

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~ by luna on June 24, 2008.

16 Responses to “one down, so many to go…”

  1. Wow, you’re on your way! That’s great. I’m sending lots of positive thoughts your way..

  2. It is such a thrill to read about these new steps you’re taking. It’s disappointing to hear that you are met with some dissenting opinions. With such a major life decision at hand, I also think I would choose to phase out people who were anything less than supportive. I cannot wait to hear about Saturday’s meeting!

  3. My cousin who adopted from Russia went through more background stuff . . . amazing that they had to go to psychologists, doctors (I guess to make sure they wouldn’t drop dead in 5 years), money specialists, go over their legal records, have their home inspected. And here we let teenagers bring home babies every day of the week. Sigh. Any way, it often seems a mountain of another sort, and waits will most likely appear very deja vu like, but like you said, it’s moving forward. And I’m so excited for you and will be reading every word with anxious anticipation.

    Oh, my cousin once expressed some nervousness because her husband was stalling on his essay about why he wanted children, and had “only” written a few pages. Few pages??!! I told her if he had jotted some bullet points down on a napkin during the game I’d be nervous, but having anyone, especially a male put down in writing their wishes on parenthood? Tough. Kudos for him and yours for getting it out there.

  4. When we started the adoption process (in January of freaking 2006) people were really happy for us and it was nice to finally be able to share some good news with people. Congrats on taking this step! Our homestudy was relatively painless and took about 4 months to complete from start to finish. In fact, we just had our update done not too long ago and that, too was painless.
    Good luck with it all. We are waiting for an international adoption (China) but were thrust into a potential domestic last week. My head is spinning.

  5. I am so sorry that you haven’t met with the support you had hoped for in ‘real life’ – please know that your friends in the blogosphere are rooting for you every step of the way.

    I hope that your first support group meeting goes well – I’ll be thinking about you on Saturday afternoon, and wondering how you got on.

  6. Good luck with the facilitator & the support group. Re: all the paperwork, you have to think that if biological parents had to undergo all those checks before being allowed to get pregnant, there’d be a lot fewer unwanted & mistreated children in this world…!

  7. Good luck! After reading adoption forums and doing a lot of soul searching, we’ve decided that (at least right now) we don’t have the financial and psychological reserves necessary to deal with the adoption process. We have a lot of respect and admiration for those of you who do–good luck with your adoption plans! As for the naysayers, you’re better off without ’em!

  8. The BBQ sounds interesting. Let us know how it goes.

  9. I can’t imagine that anyone would take this news as being anything but good. I don’t get it.

    Congrats on taking these first steps, Luna. You sound very excited…and rightly so.

  10. Congrats on getting another step closer!

  11. A woman with a plan! I’m pleased that you’re going forward. As always, I look forward to hearing about your journey. (And of course your food descriptions!)

  12. I’m happy you are moving forward with such concrete steps. As far as people who do not embrace it at first: Try to be compassionate towards them (even though you want to punch them). It took you a long time to learn about open adoption and to move through your feelings about it…give them time. I believe most if not all will come around. They simply have no context or experience in open adoption. You’ll be the ones to change them and help them to become more open-minded, compassionate people.

  13. I’m so struck by your energy, Luna. Your posts have really changed, although I can’t put my finger on it, but all of a sudden it seems like your energy and hope are just bouncing off the screen as I read this and recent posts. And from where I am, it seems there’s a rightness about this, that you deserve this so much, and that your happy ending/beginning is not far away. How wonderful for you! It does my heart good to hear your plans and each step along this path.

    Wishing every door opens easily and quickly for you.

  14. Your first statement reminded me of something Angelina Jolie said (probably her only memorable one for me to date) about how she was scrutinized a lot for all her adoptions but when it came to her biological child there were no questions asked at all.
    Its almost like you have to prove you can be a superparent while adopting a child.

    And Luna, yeah I’m with the other commenters. How can few people not be supportive wholeheartedly is beyond my comprehension. My friend had a great baby shower for her sister who is adopting a child. I like that kind of attitude. Everyone deserves celebration!

  15. I’m so excited and happy for you and M!

    I can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t be thrilled for you–family building being your business, after all, and not theirs. Why do they give a flying rat’s ass about your future child’s genetic heritage? I hope that some of the less negative folks will come around once they meet your new family member. The others, well, screw ’em.

  16. […] as we were completing our application to initiate the adoption process, answering questions about our deep desire to parent, K was meeting the […]

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