a new light

I was thinking about the summer solstice yesterday and about the meaning of the word “solstice” — sun stands still — when I saw Lori’s post on the same subject.

Summer solstice occurs when the earth is tilted at its greatest point towards the sun, and the sun, hovering above earth for longer than any other day, shines its maximum rays before journeying back towards the equator. 

Solstice has long been a time for celebration, being the longest day of the year and first day of summer for many. Pagans believe it marks the marriage or union between sun (god) and earth (goddess). The month of June has long been popular for weddings, as a time to celebrate love and fertility. The “honey” moon in June was the best time to harvest honey from bees, and honey was fed to the new bride and groom to encourage fertility. The name lives on in the traditional celebration after the ceremony (“honeymoon” for you slow folks). (For more solstice fun, check this out.)

Like Lori, I also appreciate the deeper profound meaning of this astronomical event, as it relates to the natural “ebb and flow” of life. This year, it takes on even greater significance in my own life. And no, it is not a time for fertility in the traditional sense. 

For more than four years, the demon of infertility has hovered over me, blinding and burning. I’ve stood in its path — while time seemed to stop — waiting, wishing, willing, with a focus on it above almost all else. I cursed its power and prayed for its mercy.

While there is no denying infertility will always be a force in my life, I am trying to loosen the grip of its strength, to escape its scorching heat and wrath, to diminish its power. I am finally trying to allow my life to revolve around something other than my infertility. 

And yet. M and I still have this burning desire to parent. An urgency. Our lives, full as they are, seem wholly incomplete without a child with which to share our love.

So after much reflection and searching our hearts, we have decided to pursue domestic open adoption. 

We are now completing the initial paperwork we set aside last fall, and hope to complete our home study application within the week. Next week, the day before we go away to celebrate our 12th anniversary, we will meet with a highly-recommended facilitator, who has a separate application process.

We know this is just the beginning of another long journey. But it’s a new path. We have been encouraged to trust in the process, and we plan to learn as much as we can to prepare ourselves. Once again, we are finding reason for hope. In the meantime, we are trying to reclaim our lives. 

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~ by luna on June 21, 2008.

21 Responses to “a new light”

  1. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. I’m excited to hear how this new journey unfolds for you!!

  2. luna, this is such wonderful news! I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear this. Wonderful, wonderful news!

  3. Luna! This is so great to read! I am so excited for you! Sending positive vibes your way!

  4. Best of luck on your new journey!

  5. I’m so happy that you’re taking the next step on this journey. I look forward to reading about your steps down this path and wish you nothing but the best.

  6. Oh, Luna, how wonderful! What a wonderful reason for celebration, truly wonderful!

  7. This is such great news! I am so, so overjoyed to hear that you M are taking steps on a new path. A new reason to hope is certainly something to celebrate, my friend. Happy anniversary, also!

  8. I hope everything goes quickly & smoothly and you have a baby in your arms ASAP! All the best! (((hugs)))

  9. Yay! That is very cool. I’ve definitely found that the times when I’ve seriously investigated adoption — I start to feel really hopeful and empowered in a way I’ve never felt with the treatment.

    Sooooo looking forward to hearing how things proceed. I just might be not so far behind you on the journey, too!

    Hope this is one of the best anniversaries you’ve had in a long time.

  10. Oh Luna that’s just great. Thinking of you..

  11. That’s great news to hear, Luna. I hope the process moves along quickly and without bumps.

  12. Wow, that’s great! A new path, new things to be excited about:-)

  13. What a memorable solstice! Delighted to hear that you’re healing…wishing you much happiness .

  14. May I offer a heartfelt “congratulations”?!?!

    I know that this is a big step for you and hubby. I am really excited for you, and this new journey. From reading my blog, I know you are aware how this path has been the one we had been lead to, and we couldn’t be more happy . . . and probably in about a month’s time we will finally get to experience that long-awaited rainbow after so many thunderstorms and an awful lot of rain.

    Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help, encourage, lend advice, etc.

  15. Good on ya for reclaiming your lives. This is such an empowered post!

    I can hardly wait to watch this unfold for you.

  16. I just loved your post. Moving on does feel so good. I have to remember what you said – hopeless to hopeful…. To parent, that’s what counts.

  17. […] originally thought we’d get married over summer solstice, but then fell in love with The Spot and selected a new date, which coincided with the “blue […]

  18. Incredibly late to this, but wanted to add my congratulations on choosing this new path. May it bring you a lot of joy, and may it bring you to your destination, as swiftly as possible.

  19. […] dream of parenthood and allowed it to be reborn anew. Exactly six months ago, I reflected on the summer solstice and wrote about our decision to step out of the shadow of infertility and pursue adoption. Now that […]

  20. […] Happy Summer Solstice everyone. […]

  21. […] a mother. And then. The tide shifted. Hope rose anew. A new dream was born, re-envisioned. By the summer solstice, we had decided to apply for domestic infant adoption. On the winter solstice, we sat in a cafe […]

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