the wonderful world of what?

Hope everyone is enjoying NaComLeavMo (a month-long comment leaving marathon, for those who don’t know), another ingenious creation of Mel’s. On a good day, I’m sure I leave more than the required five comments a day, and I return a few when I can too. But I didn’t sign up because I’ll be away for a week in the middle — offline (the horror!) — and I’m sure I will fall far behind on my google reader (so forgive me in advance)…

So where am I going, you ask? Well, it’s a long story. Where would any childless infertile dread spending nearly a week in June (just as school lets out), without the love and comfort of her dear husband or the support of her online network? That’s right. I’m going to fucking Dis.neyworld. 

No, I did not choose this destination because I thought it would be fun. Traveling across the country to be packed into small enclosed spaces and rammed in the ankles by strollers at every turn while waiting in line for annoying character-themed events and rides, surrounded by children of every age and mercilessly cheesy merchandising, all while sweating my tits off in the humidity — well, that’s not my idea of a smashing summer vacation.

Oh, and did I mention this is the time of year when I tend to think about how I should be planning a birthday party for my own child, who should be/would be (but is not) turning two this June? 

But I’m going anyway. You know, for family.

In less than two weeks, I will meet a new nephew. He’s not so new anymore, he’s almost a year old, but he lives 5500 miles away, across a continent and an ocean. He was conceived just months after my baby boy died, but I try not to think about that. (In fact, I knew 4 babies born that same week.) Thanks to my brother’s high-tech dedication, every Sunday morning l see pictures and videos of my new nephew and his sister. He’s a happy chubby baby and I’m looking forward to soaking him in for a few days.

I first met my niece at six months and saw her four times during her first two years. But I haven’t seen her since and she’s about to turn four. It’s hard to be a good auntie from so far away. My niece is hilarious and quite a character — the kind of girl who might just pee her pants and squeal in excitement when she sees Dis.ney. I’m pretty sure she even has her own princess dress. The last time we saw them was our wonderful evening together in Paris nearly two years ago. 

The occasion is my mother’s 70th birthday, so we are gathering (without another sibling and his kids — long story) to celebrate. The last real family vacation in Mexico was much bigger and more dysfunctional complicated. This time they chose the destination for the kids. I’m just going along for the ride.

I will try not to think about how my little toddler should be there with me. Oh, and the fact that I wasn’t going to go if I became pregnant as a result of our (failed) treatments. Ouch. Triple whammy. 

M is unable to make this trip, for good reason, so we planned a few other quick summer getaways together (Vegas for our anniversary and the Southwest in August). More on that later. 

For now, I’m just wondering how I’m going to make it through six days in the not-so-wonderful world of an infertile’s vacation from hell. Alcohol? I-pod? Painkillers? Blinders? I have a feeling all the deep breathing and Rescue Rem.edy in the world just isn’t gonna cut it. Any other suggestions? 

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~ by luna on May 27, 2008.

20 Responses to “the wonderful world of what?”

  1. Oh my! I can only imagine the challenges this poses — but I do think you might be surprised by the fun that might still be had. A vacation’s still a vacation, right? Definitely, tipsy Disneyworld sounds pretty cool.

    Disneyworld has gotten pretty sophisticated these days, too — with stuff for adults also, right? I would try to make some “escape plans” when things get really tough — duck out for a massage at one of the resort hotels, that kinda thing. And more booze, of course.

    I’ll be thinking of you, and hope this trip ends up surprising you in a good way. Sometimes, when I’m in just the right groove at a place like that, I can look around and feel kinda glad we’re “free” of the typical stressed-out-parents-with-screaming-kids-and-minivans lifestyle. If you try hard enough, you can pretend it’s by choice sometimes 🙂

  2. You are a brave soul. I hope your family appreciates how hard this may be for you. Wishing you luck. P.S. I think copious amounts of alcohol might help you through it!

  3. I second the above motions. If it’s all getting too much, beg off going to the park with the parents & kiddies, & then book yourself into a spa for a facial & massage, or some other such treat.

    I’ve never been to Disney & would love to go sometime… but probably not under those circumstances!

  4. Im sending you my blinders. I wish I could join you for some adult beverages at the mouse house.

  5. Perhaps it’s all about a good offense and coming up with good “comebacks” for those thoughts that will try to torture you while you’re there. “Kid, you may be adorable but I bet you make some stinkbomb diapers!” “Cutie pie, you are the cutest thing on this here green planet, but I bet you cry like a wild banshee!”

    Okay. Or maybe just stick with the escape route and alcohol. Or give your new nephew a good cuddle whenever those thoughts get you down.

    Hang in there. It’ll be over soon.

  6. For what it’s worth, Mr. Spit and I went to Disney for Gabe’s due date. It was ok. We were constantly reminded that we should be at home with a brand new baby, but if we had to go somewhere, and be sad, there were worse places to do it than disney.
    I hope it’s as ok as it can be. And if you are looking for drug recomendations, I’m thinking Ativan.

  7. Ugh. Disneyworld sounds painful at this point. I’m with the commenter who suggested a massage.

  8. Booze. Roller coasters — the big ones that they don’t let you on unless you’re yay high (see pointy chart next to entrance). Saying really snotty things to the small world people (wait, maybe that’s D-land?). And help me, but ONE of those hotels has to have a pool with poolside service and most like a spa. Check that action out.

    Not for nothing, I always enjoyed MGM with the movie themed stuff, especially the stuff that was dated and the young kids didn’t get. Go to Brown Derby, get a Cobb salad with a G&T to wash it down.

  9. I’m thinking a blinding headache which strangely goes away by late afternoon, say around cocktail time?

  10. You are a bigger person than I. There’s no way I could do that for family.

  11. Oh, that sounds so hard, Luna. I like the massage idea!! I don’t have any other great suggestions… but if you need any recs for Vegas, I’m your gal!

  12. Ouch. I think a well-timed case of the cooties might be in order. *cough cough* Aren’t you feeling a little sick?

  13. Lots and lotsa red wine. LOTS.

    Oh, and internet access to vent to us.

  14. Beware! Lots of babies born to very young, fertile mommies can be found at Disney. I suggest a good, ol’ fashioned babynapping to bring some excitement to your week. Granted, you will very likely have to spend any remaining Disney days in jail, but it would at least get you out of having to ride Dumbo for a gagillionth time (that waiting line is a bitch!). Good luck, Luna.

  15. Two words, Luna. Holy Shit. I will be packaging up my xanax and vicodin and anything stronger than tylenol and overnighting it to you. Pronto. Stay strong. Besides the children and families galore, the damn crowds would send me to the looney bin.

  16. DAMN.

    Okay, one, set some boundaries. Say you need some time with your husband and do some adult things. There is an “adults only” restaurant at Disney–The Victoria and Albert–Go there–food’s great so I hear.

    Massage, facial, and just permission to say “NO, thanks. I’ve got to go back to the hotel now.”

    Take care

  17. Booze, spa, everything non-kiddie. Carefully planned outings that you can actually enjoy. Some retail therapy.

    I’m sorry you have to spend six days there. I think I’d explode, even without the IF-related suffering. I can’t stand places like that. Too damn happy.

  18. Hi Luna – there is alcohol at DW isn’t there?

    My other suggestion: see if you can get a walking cast. If you have one, you don’t have to wait in ANY lines. That will reduce the number of strollers which crash into you! The one time I went to DL, I was with a friend who had recently had foot surgery – no waiting = more fun, less looking at other people’s children.

    I agree with others who said that you should pamper yourself – with a massage, or a shopping spree, a lazy day reading by the hotel pool, whatever is going to make you feel better about being there.

    What a good daughter you are!

  19. I LOVE Disney and try to go a few times a year (I live within easy driving distance of Disneyland), but it has become less and less enjoyable for me since I’ve been struggling with infertility.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog! I totally forgot about the “just go on vacation” comment. 🙂

  20. One word: anti-depressants. Alcohol will just make you more depressed and might make you throw up on the rides. Though the small kiddie rides aren’t so bad 🙂 You’re a better woman than me. I couldn’t do it.

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