about me
This blog began as I was still waiting to become a mama, after six years of trying every way I knew how. In spring 2008, my path was diverted from trying to conceive to waiting to adopt. In May 2009, we welcomed our daughter Baby J into our lives and hearts through a fully open adoption.
After so many long years working towards bringing home a baby — with five surgeries in six years, combination fertility problems (multiple fibroids, blocked tube, pelvic adhesions, luteal defect, poor morphology, and let’s not forget aging eggs), plus one beloved baby boy lost halfway to term and countless shattered hopes along the way — in December 2007 I embarked on my last best chance to finally bring home a real live baby through IVF and FET. It failed.
Yet our journey to parenthood continued through the path of domestic open adoption. (A more detailed version of our path through infertility and loss can be found here.)
This blog began in December 2007 as an online journal to explore my infertility and loss, and to document our IVF after four years of lost hope. It has provided me with an important outlet to process my lingering grief over losing my only child at 21 weeks gestation due to pre-term premature rupture of the membrane (P-PROM) in February 2006.
Today it is a space for musing on the lasting and pervasive impact of infertility and loss, as well as my renewed hope and the reality of (finally) becoming mother to a beautiful daughter through open adoption. The words, images and emotions captured here chronicle my unsuccessful efforts to conceive again with the help of IVF/ICSI and FET, our journey through the domestic open adoption process, and finally, parenting after infertility.
This is life as I see it from here, on the edge of whatever the future may hold…
More about me? I’m 38 39 (holy crap, I’m) almost 40, and live in the San Francisco Bay Area with my wonderful husband, the (still) Amazing M. We both work to try to make the world a healthier place. While I have a fantastic and rewarding job, my real dream has been to become a stay-at-home-mama. When I started this blog I said “Time is running out, and I’m still hoping it’s not too late…” Well it’s not.
All rights reserved. life from here: musings from the edge. 2007-2009
I saw your website after reading some threads on IVF connections, a place in which I am a member. I wanted to wish you good luck and hope you find your embryos implanted soon. You seem like a lovely person and a deep, insightful writer (I just left a comment on your letter to a friend post). I wanted to also add that I had pprom mid second trimester as well and went on to have a full term pregnancy. With hope, Michelle
To edit the above message: I meant to say above that it was a pprom 2nd trimester loss, like you had, not a success story in that instance, but was able to carry to term in a subsequent pregnancy.
Hi!
I run a website, http://www.babyblogorama.net, that lists ttc, expecting, and parenting bloggers to help us all find one another. I’ve added your site to the blogroll. If you need me to correct any information or if you would like for me to remove the link, please let me know. Also, if you could help me get the word out about http://www.babyblogorama.net, I would really appreciate it!
Best wishes,
Tina Roggenkamp
http://www.babyblogorama.net
http://babyblogorama.blogspot.com/
tina.roggenkamp@babyblogorama.net
It’s never too late! You guys are doing great. All of my thoughts and prayers are with you as you prepare for your homestudy.
Best,
Meghan
I read your recent blogs and laughed and cried at the same time. When I was going through the 4 yr infertility experiments, EVERYONE was pregnant, got pregnant, had another baby, and yet there was no way my body was going to let me be in the club. So after the homestudy, papers, papers, interviews…I feel for you and hope that this comes to the end that you want.
Best of everything
You are an amazing person. I wish you peace and success!
Hello-
I am an adoptive mom who rode the infertility roller coaster for four years. I just started a not for profit called Parenthood for Me.
Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those starting families through adoption and medical intervention.
I am reaching out to the adoption and infertility community to spread the word. Please visit my website and sign up to be on our mailing list.
Also, if possible, pass the link on to your circle.
I appreciate the help and good luck to you.
Sincerely,
Erica Walther Schlaefer
Hi Luna,
I just noticed that you blocked me from following you in Twitter.
I realize that might be because you don’t recognize me – my Twitter name is Victoress, though I am also QVC on Blogger (I’ve commented on your blog before.) I now have my very own blog (http://wereyoulookingforme.wordpress.com) that you can check out.
I’ll understand if you still don’t want me following you – I just thought I would look into it a bit. (No pressure!)
Victoria
I pray you are able to adopt a child or two. I found this blog when trying to google the quote “Forgiveness is letting go of all hope for….” *I didn’t know who said it). Your blog was about the 7th item on the page.
May much hope come into your life shortly.