about me
This blog began in December 2007 as I was still waiting to become a mama, after six years of trying every way I knew how. In spring 2008, my path was diverted from trying to conceive to waiting to adopt. In May 2009, we welcomed our daughter Baby Jaye into our lives and hearts through a fully open adoption.
After so many long years working to build our family — with five surgeries in six years, combination fertility problems (i.e., multiple fibroids, a blocked tube, pelvic adhesions, luteal defect, poor morphology, and let’s not forget aging eggs), plus one beloved baby boy lost halfway to term and countless shattered hopes along the way — in December 2007 I embarked on my last best chance to finally bring home a real live baby through in vitro fertilization (IVF). It failed.
Yet our journey to parenthood continued through the path of domestic open adoption. (A more detailed version of our path through infertility and loss can be found here.)
This blog began as an online journal to explore the profound effects of infertility and to document our last efforts to conceive after years of lost hope. It has provided an important outlet to process lingering grief over losing our son at 21 weeks gestation due to pre-term premature rupture of the membrane (P-PROM) in February 2006.
Today it remains a space for musing on the lasting and pervasive impact of infertility and loss, as well as my renewed hope and the reality of (finally) becoming mother to the most amazing daughter through open adoption. The words, images and emotions captured here chronicle my unsuccessful efforts to conceive again, our journey through the domestic open adoption process, and finally, the joy of parenting after infertility.
This is life as I see it from here, on the edge of whatever the future may hold…
More about me? I’m 38 39 (holy crap, I’m) almost 40 41 42 and live in the San Francisco Bay Area with my wonderful husband, the (still) Amazing M. We both work to try to make the world a healthier place. While I have a fantastic and rewarding job, my real dream was to become a stay-at-home-mama. After we welcomed our daughter to the world and our family, I was able to stay at home a while. Yet now I’m a part time working mama, juggling child care, a career, family, and life.
When I started this blog I said “Time is running out, and I’m still hoping it’s not too late…” Well, it’s never too late…
Edited (July 2011): This is a postscript I never in a million years thought I’d ever write. I’m not even sure how it ends, as it’s still a work in progress. Yet it seems that this blog — having explored my journey through infertility, grief, and parenting in an open adoption — now follows a most unanticipated twist with an unexpected and high risk pregnancy against all odds at age 42. Stay tuned…
Edited (September 2011): Amazingly enough, this story — while still a work in progress — has a double happy ending. I gave birth to our second daughter in early September 2011, at 33 weeks and 3 days. I was forced to deliver preterm due to serious complications from placenta previa and accreta, and a risk of dangerous preterm labor. After an emergency 911 call and c-section with hysterectomy (for me), and 20 days in the NICU (for her), we are now finally home together.
These are words I never thought I’d write when I started this blog in December 2007:
Our family is finally complete.
I hope yours will be too, some day.
All rights reserved. life from here: musings from the edge. 2007-2010
I saw your website after reading some threads on IVF connections, a place in which I am a member. I wanted to wish you good luck and hope you find your embryos implanted soon. You seem like a lovely person and a deep, insightful writer (I just left a comment on your letter to a friend post). I wanted to also add that I had pprom mid second trimester as well and went on to have a full term pregnancy. With hope, Michelle
To edit the above message: I meant to say above that it was a pprom 2nd trimester loss, like you had, not a success story in that instance, but was able to carry to term in a subsequent pregnancy.
Hi!
I run a website, http://www.babyblogorama.net, that lists ttc, expecting, and parenting bloggers to help us all find one another. I’ve added your site to the blogroll. If you need me to correct any information or if you would like for me to remove the link, please let me know. Also, if you could help me get the word out about http://www.babyblogorama.net, I would really appreciate it!
Best wishes,
Tina Roggenkamp
http://www.babyblogorama.net
http://babyblogorama.blogspot.com/
tina.roggenkamp@babyblogorama.net
It’s never too late! You guys are doing great. All of my thoughts and prayers are with you as you prepare for your homestudy.
Best,
Meghan
I read your recent blogs and laughed and cried at the same time. When I was going through the 4 yr infertility experiments, EVERYONE was pregnant, got pregnant, had another baby, and yet there was no way my body was going to let me be in the club. So after the homestudy, papers, papers, interviews…I feel for you and hope that this comes to the end that you want.
Best of everything
You are an amazing person. I wish you peace and success!
Hello-
I am an adoptive mom who rode the infertility roller coaster for four years. I just started a not for profit called Parenthood for Me.
Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those starting families through adoption and medical intervention.
I am reaching out to the adoption and infertility community to spread the word. Please visit my website and sign up to be on our mailing list.
Also, if possible, pass the link on to your circle.
I appreciate the help and good luck to you.
Sincerely,
Erica Walther Schlaefer
Hi Luna,
I just noticed that you blocked me from following you in Twitter.
I realize that might be because you don’t recognize me – my Twitter name is Victoress, though I am also QVC on Blogger (I’ve commented on your blog before.) I now have my very own blog (http://wereyoulookingforme.wordpress.com) that you can check out.
I’ll understand if you still don’t want me following you – I just thought I would look into it a bit. (No pressure!)
Victoria
I pray you are able to adopt a child or two. I found this blog when trying to google the quote “Forgiveness is letting go of all hope for….” *I didn’t know who said it). Your blog was about the 7th item on the page.
May much hope come into your life shortly.
Hi there.
I find your blog so moving. Thank you. I represent a parenting webzine and would love to interview you for our site. I couldn’t find an email address on “Life From Here”… if you’re willing, would you able to shoot me an email? I’ll give you more info. (no need to post this comment… just trying to get a hold of you.)
Many thanks!
Laura
Hello,
We loved your entry last year for the “What IF” Blog Challenge. So, we wanted to make sure you knew about the new RESOLVE Blog Challenge! We hope that you will submit a new blog about the biggest infertility myth and how has it effected your life or the life of your friends and family members. Bloggers who submit their blog during the National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24-April 30) will be eligible to win the RESOLVE Hope Award for Best Blog. Please click here for details: http://goo.gl/cFHCI
Thank you,
Marnee Beck
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
When I started this blog I said “Time is running out, and I’m still hoping it’s not too late…” Well, it’s never too late.
Such prescient words!!!
I just found your blog through promptly and, after reading just the first few posts and this page, I am thrilled for you. Your story is almost dangerously hope-inducing. Congratulations! I will be following and have a feeling that this little one will be the recipient of more well wishes from 24 weeks gestation on than most people in their entire lifetimes.