open-hearted open adoption: read this book
I can’t tell you how proud I am of my friend Lori, whose wonderful book about her open-hearted approach to open adoption is finally available!
Photo credit: LavenderLuz.com
Seriously, this book is wonderful. More than a “how-to” manual, it gently guides the reader to his/her inner compass towards an open heart, which is essential for true openness in adoption — and by “openness” I mean of heart and mind, and in spirit. It shows how openness is not merely about the exchange of information or extent of contact; it’s about connecting through love for a child. Through first person perspectives and invaluable storytelling, it demonstrates why and how openness benefits adopted children and their families. The book shares with truth and candor how families can and do extend and blend beyond blood to include the bonds of love and trust.
If you are considering adoption (domestic, foster or international), if you have placed a child for adoption, if you or someone you love has adopted or placed a child, or if you work with people considering adoption, please consider reading this important book. Because it focuses on openness in spirit and approach, it is relevant even for those building families through donor gametes, where biology is not shared among parents and children.
I seriously think this book is a must read for anyone connected to adoption. I only wish it had been around about five years ago when I started reading everything I could about openness. I would have devoured it!
Lori has been hard at work on this for a long time. I know this because she interviewed me 3.5 years ago, after we granted permission to share part of our adoption story. Along with many other poignant stories, ours is featured as an example of how to cultivate a genuine spirit of openness in adoption.
While we were willing to share aspects of our story, there is a certain surrealism in knowing that thoughts and words uttered here in my personal (though not private) journal would be shared with a broader audience. And perhaps a certain fear too. I blog under a pseudonym to protect not only my privacy but that of my family. While I love to discuss adoption, and our experience in particular, I am essentially bound to guard my daughter’s story until she may do so herself one day. I’ve taken great care to protect her privacy as well as her family of origin’s. So when I came to the realization that part of our story would be forever memorialized in black and white and packaged for a new audience, I was excited but understandably a bit nervous…
I think it’s appropriate that this particular excerpt from Chapter One, from a post written four years ago, was about love and fear. I literally opened the book the moment it arrived and opened to this page. When I tweeted this, Mac laughed because we both know it wasn’t the act of seeing these words in black and white that made them “real.” Certainly living them was The Real Thing. Writing those words the first time was Real. Reading them again now? Well it seems like a lifetime ago. But deep down I know that everything I processed here in these pages, all that thinking and writing and sharing and dialogue helped build the foundation for my approach to openness and parenting in a very open adoption. Reading Lori’s words helped shape that approach too.
We are so honored to be included in this fantastic collection of family stories about openness in adoption, this wonderful guide to opening your heart to act from love rather than fear.
Bravo Lori, and kudos to you, my friend! Well done.